Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom decided to surprise me by bringing homemade dinner over. I've been living off of ham sandwiches for over a week because I've been too busy and tired from work to cook. Of all the things she could have made, what did she make? Ham sandwiches. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML
Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML
Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML
Today, my Dad gave me my birthday card. The envelope was blank, as was the card, and the £0.25 price tag was still on. He was fully aware of all these things, but handed it to me and said, "By the way, I didn't write anything." Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, I got my birthday present from my dad. Instead of buying me things I told him I needed, he bought me collectible coins. I’m already stretched thin on my budget, and very stressed out. Looks like I’m living off Ramen and Oatmeal for the next 2 weeks. FML
Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML
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Top comments
GhostFox 34
I hate to bring up a possibly sensitive subject, but that sounds less like "absent minded" and more like the onset of a memory disorder of some kind. Stuff like this is how Alzheimer's disease and dementia starts- issues accessing memories or information they should know. You might want to either talk him into getting evaluated or whoever he lives with into getting him evaluated. The earlier they're caught, the more effective treatment is. I hope that he doesn't have something like that going on and is just a bad gift giver, but felt it needed said.
darshini_ii 24
Even the thought doesn't count here.
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Comments (13)
KingSquisher 13
Trade the ham for a fine cut half pound emerald gem?
KingSquisher 13
The trade might be a bit one sided, but that's all I got to offer
Ahmad Abo Jood 2
ااااا
Ahmad Abo Jood 2
هههههه
darshini_ii 24
Even the thought doesn't count here.
GhostFox 34
I hate to bring up a possibly sensitive subject, but that sounds less like "absent minded" and more like the onset of a memory disorder of some kind. Stuff like this is how Alzheimer's disease and dementia starts- issues accessing memories or information they should know. You might want to either talk him into getting evaluated or whoever he lives with into getting him evaluated. The earlier they're caught, the more effective treatment is. I hope that he doesn't have something like that going on and is just a bad gift giver, but felt it needed said.
CaptainShalliwaffle 4
OP here! Nope, his memory is fantastic, he's a university professor, he's just rubbish at personal stuff! My maternal grandfather has dementia, but my dad has been this way since I was born.
GhostFox 34
I happily stand corrected.
K0k04 1
Cut it open and hide it somewhere ******-up in his room, like inside his mattress.
PennyLane27 32
Rum ham?
Shaeleigh Heather Smith 12
I read this as days for some reason but 27 years is so much worse.
Argotdroom 21
did you waste it you ungreatful pos?
Thorin Bartlebaugh 2
I'm not a vegetarian but I even hate ham