Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML
Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we "agreed to only have one child". Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML
Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML
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Top comments
Thabb 0
Ehhh, your hand isn't THAT bad.
ADayToPierceTheV 0
sounds reasonable
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Comments (442)
wunderhosen 6
don't you just love ignorance?
GuessWhatKids 13
Yes, Ignorance is a very intelligent commenter.
instnt1nfction 17
I like the acoustic version of the song
kaengelangeleyes 9
There are no words for the amount of ignorance here. Sex during pregnancy is actually healthy because it prepares that area of her body for birth, plus all the health benefits of sex all by itself. ****, people dont know anything about human anatomy ffs. Pisses me off.
tayyters 4
how did you not know shes so insanely ditzy and stupid
Livinia 11
I think you're going to have to give her a little sex education.
sandyandellie 5
haha. also, you look like Selena Gomez, that is, if that's you in your profile picture....
kirbsterrr 5
Really Livinia? Your picture is obviously Selena Gomez. Search "Selena Gomez twitter pic".
j_cat187 20
with your penis?
holly299 0
keep changing your pic 21... we all know it was selena before. why would someone put a fake pic on here. smh.
porterc16 0
& the baby doesn't want a dick in it's face.
a_nutritionist 10
quite sure the baby doesnt want anything at this point. thats one of the perks of not being born yet...
kitten123456 0
not even possible idiot
thatonetribute 31
...that's not how it works....
merrilln 7
just an FYI. it is actually possible what his wife is talking about. it's a one in a million thing though. and op I would bet that she's going to change her mind.
kattyeyedkay 0
thank you. I was waiting for someone to say something. sometimes the body makes a mistake, and drops an egg even if prego. The egg can be fertilized, and usually will be miscarried during the birth of the first child. you can't have labor for only one baby...
moogiex9 6
Ah, I do so love it when people get their facts straight. The world needs more educated people. One small point I'd like to mention though - it is indeed possible to birth just one baby out of two. There are many cases (I've known two personally) where a mother is expecting twins, miscarries and births one of them prematurely, but manages to retain the second one and carry it to term.
niplipsip 9
Also, in some rare cases women have two functional uteri.
doodlez223 1
Thank you for knowing this is possible. Usually in cases where a woman is carrying two babies that are not considered twins, she would be under close medical care the entire time. However, the odds of that happening are almost zero.
zeligtheblessed 0
well put
green_eggs_and_h 0
Is the FML that you can't have sex with your wife for nine months or the fact that she has balls?
CaptainPickles72 18
FML Counter: 1. No sex for nine months 2.Wife has balls 3. Wife is a dumbass FHL!
eewon 6
I think it's fml because he can't have sex and his wife is a dumbass
Ryan747 0
Wow you can't get twins from that what a moron.
dreiv330 0
you're a moron.
free2speak 14
oh thanks for the explanation! all this time I was thinking that the FML was that he didn't want to get the baby pregnant! oh silly me.
stevenmx86 8
That's not balls that's an empty head
goshpeople 4
I just think it's kind of funny that the OP felt he had to specify how long a pregnancy lasts.