Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML
Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we "agreed to only have one child". Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML
Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Thabb 0
Ehhh, your hand isn't THAT bad.
ADayToPierceTheV 0
sounds reasonable
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (442)
yellowjackets88 0
sounds like she's not a person I'd want to have kids with.
bigbisawesome 0
someone obviously didnt pay attention in sex ed
kyrintethron 0
Eww, wtf? There's a reason pregnancy **** is in the fetish/pervert section, you nasty bastard. If you wanted sex, you shouldn't have knocked her up.
a_nutritionist 10
theres also a reason that disabled sex is in the fetish section too, but if youre still getting laid with that mental handicap of yours maybe we can let this guy off too, eh?
SalsaShark 2
you married an idiot
jennalikeshugs 0
I think the real FML here is that your wife has balls..
ElSkaterGuy 2
It'd be two different babies, not twins
blah1049 0
It's possible. You can actually have twins with 2 different fathers. Sometimes two eggs fall at once & could make it possible.
TheSithAssassin 15
Right, but see that would already have happened. It can't happen now. It is as you said, at once meaning at the same time they need to attach to the uterine wall.
Flutist 3
When you sleep you are supposed to remain paralyzed due to an agent in your body that makes you unable to move. I sleep walk. People sometimes, rarely, do get pregnant twice.
jsleazy49 0
abort the child you already have on the way and if you can't then hope it doesn't turn out as stupid as your wife.
badluckattack238 0
you would rather have him commit murder by killing his unborn child? it's people like you that make this world as sick as it is today. your ignorance sickens me as well as others.
DrewsFML 8
What she meant by 'I don't want twins' is that she's already doing your twin brother for the next nine months. Simple misunderstanding, carry on.
moogiex9 6
Well done #160. You were the first with that unique interpretation - and a clever one at that!
americiato 2
i dont which is worse tgat your wife is that stupid or that she's that unreasonable xD