Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML
Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we "agreed to only have one child". Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML
Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML
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Top comments
Thabb 0
Ehhh, your hand isn't THAT bad.
ADayToPierceTheV 0
sounds reasonable
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Comments (442)
ninjaicekitten 0
she sounds stupid
switchgurl20 17
You married her, ydi IMO ... get on the net or a book and explain the concept
ollierobs 0
I'm disappointed boners :( You're usually so clever but you took the easy way out with this joke.
rocketslider 0
she's dumb and she has balls? you need help my man
mbrooks5110 0
I think you're confusing balls with stupidity.
lindy91 4
what's the difference? the only smart men are gay or the ones who used to be women.
legitasaurusrex 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA is she retarded? you should go have your unborn child tested, being a retard IS genetic after all...
nikki9tails 3
I love your name lol
badluckattack238 0
what an ignorant moron you are. retardation isn't a "diss", it's an actual defect that shouldn't be joked around with.
katialovesfml 0
I don't think you edited your profile picture enough.....
birdfreak 24
the guts? wow 0.0
kyliejamess 0
she is has no idea about pregnancy
HailsMM 0
actually it's rare but a woman can be pregnant with two babies who aren't twins or even have the same due date
Ins0mau 20
Well they should just use a condom then if they're that worried about it.
xGolBLiiN 1
i get it the first few months but at like the 9month part why would you want to?
whiterabbit420 4
cause some dudes find pregnant chicks hot? and plenty of pregnant women are horny with their hormones raging.