Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband threw an epic temper tantrum because I wouldn’t have sex with him. I recently suffered from a miscarriage and the thought of anything going on down there makes me uncomfortable. He eventually calmed down and said, "Fine, just don’t be surprised if I end up cheating." FML
Today, my husband is sulking because he "can't" have sex with me. I've tried initiating things multiple times, but he keeps saying no, because I'm pregnant and he says it'd be exactly the same as having sex with his own kid. FML
Today, my period was a few days late, so my anxiety kicked in and I told my husband I was worried about being pregnant. He pointedly said that pregnancy requires sex, and I suddenly remembered we haven't had sex in months. I haven't cheated, but good luck convincing his suspicious ass of that. FML
Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML
Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML
Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML
Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Bree12345 15
Congrats on the newborns
Jasper1405 16
FYL, your husband should be ashamed of himself for putting sex over your welbeing.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (226)
Bree12345 15
Congrats on the newborns
Roskosity 22
Twins?! You must be aching...
NagainaFier 16
At LEAST 6 weeks. For twins, I'd say even more: even if OP did have a c section. Shit gets tore up ._. Sorry your husband is so insensitive that you just produced new lives and might, ya know, want to rest a while.
wjh100 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hate to disagree here, but though op has every right to say no, there's more options than just vaginal intercourse that didnt get ****** over by a watermelon. :p
edwardsgrrl 6
Last time I checked that's called rape. No means No. It doesn't mean well why don't you give me a BJ.
tjv3 10
Congrats !!!
Genociiide 15
Have fun saying that to your wife. If you can convince someone to procreate with you.
Jasper1405 16
FYL, your husband should be ashamed of himself for putting sex over your welbeing.
ananas99_fml 10
Yeah..
soccerstar1996 18
Well-being**
Jasper1405 16
Not a native speaker here, so thanks for the correction but keep in mind that grammar isn't that easy for everyone
teratryte 4
I'm just going to point out that spelling and grammar are two different things.
DemCherries 4
feminist confirmed
hoffmanam 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
now he is going to have an affair
DocBastard 40
Yes, because all men who are turned down by their wives will all resort to cheating. I'm glad you know so much of the world, sir. Well done.
gribbles 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No, not all men who are turned down by their wives resort to cheating. But OP probably would since he assumed said wife was having an affair 10 days after giving birth.
whY402Jay 12
Sarcasm is hard for many people to understand.
patrickalamo 48
Well her mouth didn't just have a baby...
RavenDesired 10
What a selfish guy. Sorry OP!
ntd309 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No sex in 10 days??? That's ****** up on OPs part!!
cluch3 22
What the **** kind of person are you? When you give birth, you cant have sex for at least six weeks. Then again youre probably one of the sex crazed people who dosent care who they get pregnant or who got gou pregnant.
Kk_Waylen24 21
He should understand! It's still sore down there. Congradulations on the twins though:)
KLeePrice 11
Not to mention, you're supposed to wait at least 6 weeks.
MrSassypants 34
"C'mon, honey. You pushed two ten-pound babies out. I'm pretty sure you can put a couple of ounces back in." - OP's husband.
Blackphoenix 9
Erm most twins are around 4-6 pounds, 7 if they are big. I think 10 pounds would be a record.
jsandy1994 10
Shut up, it was a joke
AninOnin 24
Not to mention I was 9.5 lbs...
ilovedinosawers 17
107- WORLD RECORD. SOMEONE CALL GUINNESS.
crazytwinsmom 25
My twins were 7lbs each 3 weeks early and would have been 8.5 full term.
Zebediabolical 45
GOT TURNED DOWN FOR SEX! SOMEONE BRING ME A GUINNESS!
stacieharms 11
I had a 10 pound 10 oz baby seven years ago today!
Shade1982 21
But not a twin... There's a difference...
Adhdkid107 9
Someone wants triplets...
perdix 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Really, you spread your legs twice for some random dude in a mask last week and you don't expect him to be suspicious? I understand the hoo-hah is out of commission, but how about a Courtesy *******? C'mon, you didn't have any people come out of your mouth lately!
AshBash2211 14
Ummm and what does she get? How come he's the only one who gets some? I'm sure it's safe to assume with newborn twins she's exhausted and would rather sleep than sexually please her man, especially when she gets nothing in return. If he wants something that bad he's got a hand...
perdix 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#22, do you know how a ******* works? She gets a prize at the very end. But if you want to look at it that way, she can do him a favor now in expectation of a future favor. In any case, she doesn't need to sleep 24/7. A few minutes of sucky-sucky will go a long way in keeping the new dad happy (and prevent him from resenting his own children.)
AshBash2211 14
What I'm trying to get at is why is it "new daddy" that's the only one who gets to be happy in that way. It's so selfish! I'm a female who quite enjoys "sucky sucky" but after giving birth to two babies who keep you up all night no, I don't feel that would be my #1 priority. He can wait 6 weeks just like she has to and they can both be happy.
AshBash2211 14
Oh yeah and "she doesn't need to sleep 24/7" I have a friend with month old twins... She needs to sleep whenever she gets the chance. When one isn't up, the other one is.
perdix 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#35, isn't it obvious? The new mom's genitals are on the mend while the dad's are just fine. This is why he can receive oral sex when she can't. And you make the typical black-and-white fallacy: no one is saying that she needs to neglect herself and the babies for an eight-hour Suck-a-thon. Just a few minutes of attention down there will make his day, and make him a more interested father.
AshBash2211 14
You're completely missing my point. If he was injured down there and she wanted oral pleasure I guarantee no one would be going to bat for her
AshBash2211 14
Not only that, she doesn't need sexual satisfaction to be an interested mother... Why does everyone look over the fact that women get sexually frustrated too?? I can speak from experience!
rg350dx 29
Spreading legs for a random dude in a mask. Sounds like my Saturday night.
KLeePrice 11
After accusing her of cheating, the only thing he deserves is a slap across the face, not a bj. And another slap for being dumb enough to think she can have sex during the healing process.
perdix 31
#57, I agree that accusing of her is cheating is extremely stupid. I hope she did cheat nine months ago, otherwise those kids are already saddled with 50% Dummy DNA.
perdix 31
#47, you'd be wrong. If he were injured down there, I'd go to bat for the idea that he needs to find an alternate way to pleasure her rather than wait unitl his genitals heal.
Catkam623 27
Yea, perdix is all for ******.
Axipiter 24
I can't believe how serious this thread got. As soon as I started reading it, all the noise in my appartment suddenly stopped. It was pretty intense, I'm glad it's over.
SlapAndTickle 20
If new dad needs blow jobs to be more interested in their own kids then he needs to keep it in his pants until he has figured out to be a real man. My husband made sure I was healed and let me decide when I was ready to have sex again. (5 months). Did he cry about it? No. Going through the whole process is not just abouy popping a baby out and it's done. There's a lot of mental things too. Of course you don't understand this because you are a boy.
80skid 15
Any loser who resents his own infant children because hi wife won't give him a ******* due to exhaustion from giving birth to TWO babies doesn't really deserve to have a dick in the first place.
NagainaFier 16
Guys. It's Perdix. He was joking. There's no need for hurt feels.
SlapAndTickle 20
What the heck are you reading? Could have fooled me. He's defending his comment tooth and nail.
killerkiss92 8
Actually, he's making this an even bigger joke then what he first said. He is only providing us with more laughs and making a fool out of you. Besides, after a while, you can tell he was joking because he was agreeing with other people about how much of a jerk ops husband is.
perdix 31
#104, thanks, I'm sorry no one caught the silliness of "Hey, no one came out of your mouth lately."
Axipiter 24
Perdix, after hearing how you're a Pants fan, I realized everything you said from that point on was a joke!
EpicBlondie89 19
Ohhh perdix, you're done it again. You managed to make a joke that went COMPLETELY over some people's heads. *applauds*
EpicBlondie89 19
You've* Thumb me down but have mercy.
boots73 2
I really hope you know that Perdix is joking and using sarcasm. People get way too uptight believing some of these comments are serious! smdh
metalhead4740 14
Oh my god, this is the first time I've ever seen perdix get buried. This is madness...
melkymac101 17
Have sex before he leaves!!! B
Blackphoenix 9
Not every guy just cares about sex. I waited 3 months after my fiancée had one baby because that's when she felt comfortable again. Having a baby is exhausting, it took me a month to get used to it.
melkymac101 17
I know that I just wanted to see how many negative votes I would get
galt 13
He should be able to respect you....