Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
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Top comments
KittyJay 3
Leave him there. Punk bitches hit women...
calaholic35 0
Goddamn asshole..
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Comments (323)
metalmasher 6
Ur son is an ass. Dont compare him to Jersey Shore.
nitemastr15 17
Leave his sorry ass in jail! He deserves it. What's more, I hope someone there treats him like their bitch and beats the shit out of him.
s1ckpup 0
In the U.S. you do NOT have to be 21+ to enter a liquor store (atleast in sunny SoCal). They sell plenty of other things besides liquor, from candy and chips to batteries and papertowels. And I personally have been goin to liquor stores since I was about 11, by myself. Cool story huh bros?
Callyn 47
California sells liquor out of CVS and grocery stores. This is not the case in most of the country. I don't know about Ohio, but many states have state-run liquor stores which are the only places to buy liquor and they generally do not let minors in. California is the exception, not the norm. OP, let him rot until the trial. He deserves it.
renrooni 4
Good on you for not bailing him out. He sounds really immature and doesn't seem to feel any remorse for his actions. Leave him and hopefully he will learn his lesson.
CrazyCountryGirl 5
Obviously You and your wife did something wrong in raising him....any real man would no not to hit a girl....ever.......
RogueWarrior869 23
It's not always the parents fault for stupid things their children do.
imangie2012 0
He's an asshole!!!!!
KalCountry76 12
Your son is an asshole.
joanniejore 7
You raised that douche...
laden_swallow09 35
Well? Didja bail him out?? Judging by the tone of the FML, you probably didn't, OP, and just as well. Let him rot for all he's worth. Hate to hear that you had learn that about him, especially the hard way.
OfficeNinja 5
Son, I'll bail you out for getting drunk. I'll bail you out for running from the cops. I'll bail you out for (and this would be very funny and earn you a father-son beer) pissing in a cop car gas tank. But for punching a woman? No. You can stay in jail for that. . Any more calls would then go directly to voice mail.