Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I picked up my idiot 20 year-old son from a party. He was shit-faced drunk and managed to drop his vape out the window as I was driving. He tried to open the door of the moving car to get out and look for it, and I had to grab him and pull him back in. Legally, this moron is an adult. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
Today, I was called a judgemental bitch by my family for not letting my son back home after his release from prison, forgetting that none of them want to house him either, considering he did run me over with my car he was stealing to pay his debts to his drug dealer/prostitute provider. FML
Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep, they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
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Top comments
KelseyDaBoyz 21
Shouldn't have done it. Let him deal with the consequences of his stupid actions.
christinamarie17 29
I feel like he shouldn't be allowed to have children.
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Comments (83)
KelseyDaBoyz 21
Shouldn't have done it. Let him deal with the consequences of his stupid actions.
Mossyoak_kw 28
I definitely agree with you #1! I guarantee if he had to spend a night in jail he would never do something that stupid ever again!
Fidge 18
#10 never say never cause he'd only do one nite in lockup, witch sucks but not like he's gonna go to prison for that! I agree with you on the rest tho, I'll leave him in there for as long as I could!
Mossyoak_kw 28
True but I was thinking if he's as big of a pansy as his mother says he is, then one night is probably all it will take to scare him out of ever trying that stunt ever again. I'm sure he'll find something else incredibly stupid to get into. He sounds like an intelligent individual!
A1NoSauce 17
His mother? It was a man who wrote this FML.
Mossyoak_kw 28
Whoops! I didn't even pay attention to that. Sorry y'all, my bad!
katerose19876 5
At the risk of sounding stupid, how can you tell what gender the OP is? I'm confused.
Mossyoak_kw 28
There's a gender symbol in the top left corner. Something I never remember to look at.
nix1993 41
Or on the web browser it says 'by Anonymous (man)' under the FML
christinamarie17 29
I feel like he shouldn't be allowed to have children.
LilMissCanadian 22
Today's generation is not great. Imagine the next...
christinamarie17 29
It's less today's generation than it is today's society. Well, in the US anyways the government and what's become "acceptable" has really gone to hell.
countryb_cth 38
It's not necessarily that today's generation is bad it's that with social media we hear about the bad a lot more often.
Soninuva 41
I know it sounds like your son is an idiot, but try to be there for him. Regardless of how old he is, it may be a cry for help.
MegasaurusRex89 28
He did it because he lost a bet. It's likely not a cry for help. It's just a boy being stupid.
Kermy1113 23
You should've let him stay in there. After all, it is just one night.
Zelphoric 25
Time to start calling him Piss-for-Brains.
sturschaedel 27
Well, that would be the case if the woman he knocks up has a whole brain. In which case she probably wouldn't give him the chance to do so. Sorry to be so negative but I think you can count yourself lucky if they inherit a quarter brain.
pabj208 23
Maths fail.
ohSNAPyall 27
Only at first glance. 6 is suggesting that the grandkid would have half a brain if the woman were super smart, cuz dude's brainless.
doodlecloud 27
And the last sentence is implying that whoever's dumb enough to go out with OP's son will probably only have half a brain themselves, hence the resulting child having about a quarter. Makes total sense 18.
mds9986 24
Urine trouble
dantecarlson 13
Sounds like he's just pissing his life away
aimbug 42
Let him deal with the consequences. If he's such a pansy like you say a night in jail might scare him into never doing something so stupid again.
FlyingPie 17
What a pisser.