Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Well done
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
He's a good man
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Scumbag
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Kinda deserved it
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
Bad seed
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
Top comments
KittyJay 3
Leave him there. Punk bitches hit women...
calaholic35 0
Goddamn asshole..
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Comments (323)
MrFuzzles 5
Your son deserves to be castrated and strung up by his thumbs, end of story.
keven501 12
That show needs to be gone
calaholic35 0
Goddamn asshole..
calaholic35 0
I can't believe some of the male population sometimes..
Gtroll 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's hilarious!
Gtroll 4
That's hilarious.
golferman72 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sounds like you raised a good son. NOT!!
hooligyn123 18
Just remember... Every time you watch an episode of Jersey Shore a book commits suicide.
ilovesuju 10
Jersey shore is like an FML, your siting there being glad that that person is not you
GirlOnFire143 6
They're all trash on that show... don't even get me started on "Snooki".
ColdplaySucks 18
Anyone who watches Jersey Shore are fucken idiots. Leave him jail, OP.
baronsmommy 14
When fist pumping goes wrong
CaptTeemo 10
FPC. That's all you need Fist pump Push up Chapstick
Quidikic 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Damn, I wonder where in Ohio this was. No assholes like that here.
ravenh1979 13
That doesn't always mean the parents did a bad job. Everyone is accountable for their own actions and can make there own choices. However, I absolutley agree that hitting women ( or a woman hitting a man for that matter) is no way right or acceptable.
doctorwhogirl 0
yeah I wouldn't blame jearsy shore. I think your son is just a terrible human being.
Marcella1016 32
I hate how they limit the length of comments -_- Part 1- I'm sorry to be the one to point this out. It's ****** up the guy hit his girlfriend, but what does that have to do with Jersey Shore? None of the cast members has hit a woman. In one particular episode, a drunk guy at a club hit Snooki, and it was heavily (and rightfully) frowned upon. The guy was arrested, and every cast member, male and female, came to Snooki's defense. The show DOES show men disrespecting women. It is normal for the guys to bring home a different woman every night and treat her like crap if she doesn't have sex with him. But the show does not advocate hitting women. Im just annoyed that your son gets arrested for punching his girlfriend and your first thought is "Yep it's that Jersey Shore."
Marcella1016 32
Part 2 Obviously there are outside factors in raising children, but you can't blame society for everything. How about you sit down and talk to your son? Nine times out of ten, if he's old enough to buy liquor, he's too old to be that heavily influenced by a tv show. Look at YOUR parenting, and sit down and have a chat with your son. All the commenters here are so caught up in bashing Jersey Shore that they've ignored your knee-jerk reaction to blaming a tv show when your son obviously has SERIOUS issues.
riax 9
a few million Brain cells probably commit suicide aswell. They will never come back :(
random_jay 6
199- I dislike jersy shore because whenever I go to the actual jersy shore (near where I was born) everyone gives me a freaked out look and I have to explain that it's actually a nice place. That show gives New Jersy as a whole a bad name, and I only watched it once! Ok... Rant is over. Carry on.
Marcella1016 32
207 - what does this have to do with OP's son punching his girlfriend? If you don't like the show don't like the show. But don't blame it on your GROWN son not knowing how to act like a man. I stand by what I said earlier.
jjessen 20
How do you know he is a grown man?
tmmundy 17
197/199...sorry, however I only read the first few lines of your comment, if I wanted to know about "JS"...I would watch that trashy show. OP, should leave her dumb ass son in jail until he grows up. And maybe you could do something more productive other than watching trash tv, just my opinion, don't go and get pissy. =)
Ray_of_midnight 23
Seriously, I grew up in New Jersey, and I repeatedly have to explain to people that the entire state is *not* full of fake-tanned, duck-facing, douchebag morons like on the TV show. OP, I'd leave his sorry ass to rot in jail. Maybe I'd consider bailing him out if he were genuinely remorseful and promised to seek counseling or therapy to help with some serious anger-management issues. But no, apparently he's just a douchebag who chose to emulate other douchebags he saw on a TV show.
Forlorn420 9
Jersey shore is the worlds fml. Especially now that they've shown up in Italy or wherever the hell they went. Their trashiness is attemptin to take over one country at a time
missamazinggg 12
197/199- OP didn't blame the show entirely. Her son probably talks and dresses like them, as she said her son idolizes them.
fiercexo 2
And you have the balls to say no too him.
iAmScrubs 19
197/199: you're a straight-up idiot.
Marcella1016 32
245 - I'm an idiot for saying that OP should take responsibility for raising his son, rather than blaming a tv show for his son (who was caught at a liquor store, so I assume he is at least 21) PUNCHING A WOMAN? The guy should absolutely rot in jail, I wholeheartedly agree. But, again, I don't see what Jersey Shore has to do with this. Replace "Jersey Shore" with "video games" or "the media" or any number of things and you would all be singing a different tune. But I'm an idiot for calling out OP on making an irrelevant connection to Jersey Shore and his asshole of a son. Right.
BradenLock 4
*Jersey
garrr 0
The "NOT"joke is clearly from another era.
iAmScrubs 19
F@Marcella: I'm not calling you an idiot because of you pointing out that the irrelevance of how this FML is related to Jersey Shore, I'm calling you an idiot because of how irrelevant it is for you to point out Irrelevance of how this FML is related to Jersey Shore. Although most 21 year olds I know may uphold some family values and traditions, they aren't really a product of what their mother or father has made them to be anymore. Yes, Jersey Shore may not have had anything to do with the FML, but I'm pretty sure I'd still be saying "**** My Life" if I had found out my son had been arrested for such a petty and, for lack of a better word, disgusting crime as was committed. Yes, Jersey Shore may not have anything to do with it and I'm sorry that you're butthurt because someone said something bad about your favorite show, but I just don't understand why you're so hung up as to why Jersey Shore was mentioned instead of the media. It takes nothing away from the FML.
Autobot93 10
What's next? Are they gonna trash over Chile? And I live in Jersey. Especially near Seaside Heights. (I live in Toms River btw)
austinnicole 3
Thank you Dr. Phil . If you have or are planning to have children , then you would know that the media and society itself does influence the way kids act . Parenting isn't the only factor that determines how a child is as a grown up, but also the things they see around them on a daily basis .
KittyJay 3
Leave him there. Punk bitches hit women...
gurly98 13
She deserved it for raising a kid like that
KrazieKleo 13
The father wrote the FML....
dressedskeleton 10
It's a "he"- and if he's shocked enough by his kids behaviour to put it on this site, I'm pretty sure that's not true.
hope540 0
I don't understand how women want to be treated equally if everyone including women think that men are scum for hitting a girl but they are "manly" for hitting a guy... it makes no sense essentially you are calling women a weak sex.
xPhoBiuHzZz 1
Parents are blamed too much nowadays, even though friends are just as influential.
MrSassypants 34
50 if you let a kid watch spiderman, they would most likely try to act like spiderman no matter how wellypu raise him. OP might have made a mistake by letting their child watch a show like that but you can not always make sure your kid does good things. I don't think what OP's son actions did had anything to do with how OP raised him.
CaramelMacchiato 13
I agree you with 100% #67! Plus, you're more likely to interact with the kids in your school than your parents, so that environment plays a big part of your life.
rino1 2
72: good point but I'm sure his father didn't "let" him watch JS, he's in a liquor store so he's probably 21+
RussianFox 13
What's with all the men hitting women comments? It wrong the other way around to if a woman hits a man. If a random woman hit me I would retaliate with full force, not really any need to base it on gender.
j_cat187 20
I hope your son bragged about beating his girlfriend in prison so some hardcore thug can beat his ass and tear him a new asshole.
eeppiicc 8
If it was the girl punching the boyfriend she wouldn't have to go to jail for it no one would think twice about it.
amandacgordon 5
Agreed, #3! If your kid is that much of a twit... Needs to learn his lesson. ... Punk ass ************.
BunBunBabe 8
If he can't use words to explain himself to a woman he's not a true man
TheFamilyElf 17
Hitting anyone is unnecessary, but I think the reason it's such a big deal if a man hits a woman is because, physically, many women are built smaller and weaker than some men. (I know there are exceptions-you go ladies!) This is not to say the female gender is weak, because only a moron could say women don't do hard work. (Hello, pregnancy and kick ass women doing so called "men's jobs") I look at it this way, though. I am pretty sure I'm done growing at 5'4" and 110 lbs. If the average man hit me, I couldn't retaliate, really. And he'd be an asshole. :P it's not a feminist standpoint; it's simply the truth. Oh no, I'm over thinking it... It's an fml... Sorry to ramble, everyone:P
YakuzaxGeneralz 9
104: I'm not sure where op is from but liquor stores dont sell just alcohol. You dont have to be 21 to enter.
Dom925 1
You DO have to be 21 in the U.S. unless you live in some super hick place where they regard beer with more reverence than breast milk and wean their children onto it, at a pace that reflects such awe. 135, Did you know that many men are physically weaker than many women? The issue here isn't about hitting weaker people. It's that there is a double standard for men, (yes, I know, just like there are double standards for women), and yet anytime anyone tries to bring it up they get booed down like they said something wrong. This site is a perfect example. Almost half of the buried comments on this fml are about exactly this inequity and yet no one realizes how hypocritical it is to be outspoken about the equality of women but thumb down those talking men. A perfect example of this is the statement a few comments down, "A man that hits a woman is not a man." A far better way to get the meaning of this statement across is to say, A person that hits
Dom925 1
A far better way to get the meaning of this statement across is to say, A person that hits a weaker person, deserves no respect but instead, even today, the "person deserving of respect" and "man" are interchangable words while "weaker person" and "woman" are just as equivalent. Its's the overall issue with chivalry, as it's a system based in the belief that women are incapable of helping themselves. Asking to be treated with chivalry is the same as asking to be treated as less than a "person deserving of respect."
FinnishAmerican 3
In Arizona you can enter the liquor store to buy tobacco at 18..
OverFlash 15
The laws must be different there... I was allowed to go into a liquor store before I was of legal age to drink. Shopkeepers even asked if I wanted any help, told them I was looking at liquor for my 18th, going to buy when I had my birthday, and they didn't even bat an eyelash at it.
xStaciexLynnx 15
178/179- Chivalry is dead. No, really. My boyfriend and I are mutually respectful to each other and that's how many relationships are now. It also does not come from women being weaker. It comes from the time when men were knights. Also, I find it hard to believe many women are stronger than men. I don't know any women stronger than their man (not that it doesn't happen, just that it's not often). And finally, when a man punches or hits, he is usually REALLY punching or hitting. That is the problem. If I punched my boyfriend he'd laugh at me cause it tickled. There will never be equality due to the physical and mental nature of each gender but you can't act like men are the victim in it all. It is what it is.
EpicSquishii 21
Not true. I went to jail for a night for hitting my boyfriend.
mollysticks 10
64- How about no one should be hitting anyone?
tmmundy 17
133...that's where you're wrong, whoever the aggressor is, male or female, that person would be going to jail. My husband is a police officer, so I know what I am talking about....and he has taken, both male and female to jail, so there is a question to it!!!
Soloman212 28
I understand what people mean when they say that the entire gender/hitting issue is a double standard, but it really can't be generalized so thoroughly to men and women. However, if that's exactly what we're doing, I think it's fair and safe to say that as the average woman is a smaller build than the average man, what with testosterone and all that jazz, females really are the weaker gender. But remember, by this we mean physically weaker. Things like pregnancy are matters of willpower and patience, and so in no way does being physically weaker make you the worse gender or anything. It balances out with our ups and downs as each gender. Of course, everything has exceptions, but I think this is the fairer generalization, and of course I myself would never hit a girl (who didn't deserve it [just kidding]).
moonrider360 8
178- I live in Ri and there are some liquor stores that let you enter at any age providing they sell coke, chips things like that.
Dom925 1
It probably depends on the state. At 20, I was asked to leave a cigar shop because they happened to sell alcohol too. 186, I'm not sure you know what you're talking about. Knights weren't gloriously principled, paragons of manhood. They were just men, prone to all the same mistakes and appetites of modern day men. They would have a wife and think nothing of being with a mistress because "supposedly" a woman was satisfied with seeing her man every once in a while, but the knight is such an important person that he needed to be satisfied by as many women as he wanted. Also note that I didn't say most women; I said many women. If only 1% of women were stronger than a man then that would still be more than 34 million. How many is many to you? Honestly, all it takes is one for my point to be valid. I never said men "are the victim," I said that there is a double standard being covered up by another double standard and it's all very hypocritical. And finally, are you serious? I promise you, men can pull their punches too if they want. We are talking about people actually hurting other people here, not middle-school flirting techniques. There's also something I'd like to clear up. I am very polite, almost "chivilrous" in my everyday actions, especially to my girlfriend, with whom I also enjoy a mutually respectful relationship. However, I hold the door for both men and women. I don't discriminate between the two, and if a woman seriously attacked me, I'd be ashamed if I didn't defend myself, whatever that took.
eccentricchic 5
Precisely why your a weak bitch it's a known fact men are stronger than women retaliation in a physical form could do waay more damage why wouldn't u just call the cops moron
Eorlas 31
punk bitches hit people, not just women.
lenalee96 22
Wow! And how old us your son? Is he even old enough to be in a liquor store? O.o
wallandpiece 16
OP, did you ever sit on a bike the wrong way when you were younger?
Donat96 20
Leave him there. He contributes nothing to society.
golfman717 0
He doesn't just contribute anything, he demotes the world...
golfman717 0
He doesn't just not contribute he demotes it...assholes
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Unless his girlfriend looks like Snooki. Then they both deserved it, and Op should send him to a boot camp.
csi_fml 19
Society shouldn't have to put up with people him take him out back and blow his brains out
KingCeltic77 18
Good to know America has such admiring role-models. It's disgraceful how the "stars" on that show are famous and demand to get paid for making an ass of them self. Yet there are honest folk who can barely get by. What's happened to this country?
j_cat187 20
Is sad to see how the cast of Jersey Shore gets more admiration and respect than any of our scientists, doctors, and professors.
KingCeltic77 18
There is something wrong with society.
MikeMikeTheAzn 3
Holy bananacow.
Jumpingmal2 7
Thats the same thing i said when i saw your profile pic ;)
Jumpingmal2 7
That is exactly what i said when i saw your profile pic ;)
Jumpingmal2 7
That's what i said when i saw your profile pic ;)
Jumpingmal2 7
And that is why i hate the I Phone FML app
ScaughtieHolden 11
I said Holy **** for obvious reasons.
boating_guy 33
Not gonna lie, I thumbed up your comment cuz of the boobs.
FlavorlessPie 7
What would a bananacow sound like...? Moo, I am a banana?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Moonana.
xPhoBiuHzZz 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Never hit a women...with a pricy bill at a restaurant. That's a man's job. (gender equality eh?)
jannielovesjack 0
That's why I like splitting the check also because, why should it be "the man's job"? I apparently wanted to go on the date too.
JFox 8
You sound pretty ignorant. Those who advocate gender equality don't expect a man to pay.
jessimica642 8
It use to be the mans job to pay the bill because he had the job or the higher paying job. I believe it's still acceptable today because a lot of men still have higher paying jobs then women.
PlaidPanda 9
I believe the bill should be spilt if both people have a job. I do think that the man should pay for special occasions though (her birthday, anniversary, etc.)
kamikrazy 6
The man is usually the provider for a women or household. It is uncommon to find stay at home dads. It's just nature. A lion doesn't sit with it's cubs while the lioness goes out and hunts.
22cute 17
I think the person who does the inviting is the one who treats. Unless s/he makes it clear that it's halfsies, I.e. "Want to meet at the ball game?" or "get together for drinks" It's fair and it's clear.
marshie01 0
You do know that the lion sits on his butt in the shade while the lioness's in the pride go and bring home the kill, right? The male lion does nothing until it gets there. The females normally "bring home the bacon". Only male lions without a pride hunt, and that's only cause they don't have the females to do it for them. Just sayin.
Vash_41288 10
@137... Wait are you joking about the lion thing because you do know that lioness do all the hunting actually and the lion eats what they worked for, he does hunt but its mostly the females who do the hunting in a pride.
Justy101 23
Um actually the lioness is the hunter... Your ignorance annoys me.
merryhappy1887 20
Are you stupid? The lioness does ALL the hunting, then has to wait for the lazy ass males to eat before they can get the scraps. Men of all gender just suck.
EpicSquishii 21
Yes it does
SirCharles83 13
182- "men of all gender just suck"? Are you retarded?
ManInTheMachine 20
195-Don't mind her. Her blind feminism is rotting her brain right before our eyes.
Prodigy7 4
137, the lionesses ARE the ones that go out and hunt.
nick315 8
Accually the lion does since it's Maine is to much of a give away. To easy to spot. So only the female lions hunt.
ebonyirony 29
I let the guy pay because I dont let him do anything else. But I'm for gender equality.
jessimica642 8
Omg 137 usually ignorance annoys me but that was just too funny.
KiddNYC1O 22
This person doesn't watch enough Nat Geo. It's clearly the lioness clinging on that buffalo's ass, all the time.
mannatee 19
The man should not have to pay all himself on the anniversary, it's not just her anniversary, it's his too
knight0748 5
Go there and piss on the little douch and that would teach him a lesson.
SouthernPride95 19
I know he punched his girlfriend but really piss on him? Why?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Men who are disrespectful to women don't deserve respect. Pissing is a bit much, though. Know who else doesn't deserve respect? Guys who break up with girls when they're "too nice". I think that's shit.
knight0748 5
Get outta here, pissing on people solves problems... Just look at R Kelly.
rin142 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I hope your son dies in a fire. A horrible painful fire. Get these people out of our gene pools.
get428 7
Wow, that's a little over the top and a horrible thing to say.
Rommel1942 9
I agree with 9
Jumpingmal2 7
I agree with u 30, thats a little over the top. It doesn't have to be a horrible painful fire, just a painful fire is sufficient.
MarisaCB 16
in* -_-
MarisaCB 16
While not how I would've phrased it, in a way, they're right. I mean, LOOK at todays role models! Intelligence is America is pathetic. A tenth grader asked me a few weeks ago what the HOLOCAUST was! So cleansing the gene pool... not so terrible of an idea.
kira_the_boss 1
80, so what's a hitler?
kira_the_boss 1
So......what is a hitler?
Hockeyboy4280 18
9- went a little overboard on that one...
ravenh1979 13
That is so not cool! He's an asshole, but damn! How would u feel if someone said that to u about your child!
Soloman212 28
Speaking of the holocaust... That entire idea of "cleaning the gene pool" didn't go down so well with other people, historically...