Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I visited my new doctor, hoping that he would be able to figure out the cause of the pains I've been having for years. He told me there's nothing he can do, that half the drugs out there cause cancer anyway and that I should look into homeopathy. Great. FML
Today, I saw my doc about the painful swelling I've had in my arm all week. He seemed totally out of it, and ended up telling me it's all in my head, despite the swelling. When I respectfully suggested it might be a blood issue, he just said, "Nah". FML
Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I felt sick. He told me to describe the symptoms I had. With every new symptom I described, he took a step back. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I have been getting my period every week and a half and they are ridiculously heavy. He then spent the entire time discussing painkillers (I'm allergic to most) and when I asked to be put on birth control, he said I'd need another appointment for that. FML
Today, I called my insurance company begging for a new doctor. All my current one does is prescribe antidepressants for everything. Migraines? AD! Dizziness? AD! Birth control? AD! I’ve been having rough periods and I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to push pills to bill us more. FML
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Today, after two weeks of migraines, my doctor informed me that bowel movements are one my triggers. This means every time I shit, I will have a headache. FML
Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
KittyJay 3
Sounds legit to me O_o
me234 7
Time for a new doctor.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
airforce987 20
Wtf. Are you sure he was a certified doctor?
me234 7
Time for a new doctor.
rino1 2
Yes, I hope he didn't have to pay for that visit :/
Airman1988 9
Indeed we need Docbastards take on this
RedmontFief 7
DocBastard works with trauma patients in a hospital, not with headaches in a doctors office.
22cute 17
You know there are different kinds of doctors and many forms of diagnosis. OM docs can diagnose quite a bit from the pulses. And there are gall bladder and liver conditions that would cause headaches in the early stages. Lots of things do.
bubbywaldo 0
Maybe, but you can definitely not hear gallstones with a stethoscope!!!! Op is right, something is impairing him and op should probably let someoe know.
KittyJay 3
Sounds legit to me O_o
Viciousstorms 7
Next time, this guy will probably listen to the "heartbeat" in his head and suggest a cast for his foot. Time to find a newer doctor OP.
ilovesuju 10
Cmon OP, that's one of the first things they teach you in kindergarden
Sixers01 0
Damn, he's good.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
"hello everybody" Hi Doctor Nick! -Simpsons- Dr.Nick Riviera
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Wait, Op's name is Dave? Those migraines are from ALVIN. I thought you knew that.
StephyCat 1
very ironic, because of your username and picture
lenalee96 22
Ouch, time for a new doctor?
kira_the_boss 1
Yes, where the hell is DocBastard?! We need him stat!
kira_the_boss 1
Yes, where the hell is DocBastard?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He's hiding from the law.
lolfood 24
Amazing doctor.
MrFuzzles 5
Tell him the number one rule, 'Don't get high on your own supply.' in this case the pharmacy's supply.
zinoxity 23
Haha prescribed himself some medical marijuana. xD
_wraith 15
I'm fairly confident that whatever he's on, it is *not* marijuana - medicinal or otherwise. Unless maybe its laced with some other substances...
xPhoBiuHzZz 1
Always look for a degree on one of the four walls.
i_canlickmyelbow 3
My doctor's office has 5 walls.
xPhoBiuHzZz 1
Touché
Ririshi 0
Mine only 3.. Well... Never been there since I got a new doctor two years ago (:
crazyrunnergirl 7
Umm. Maybe you should find a new doctor?
DrewFluIngle 10
You don't say
ItsTheMo 10
Wow, you'd be better off Googling migraines.
FMLshark 12
Problem with Googling something as broad as "migraines" is you'll find anything ranging from "lack of sleep" to "brain tumors".
DKjazz 20
But at least you won't find gallstones.
cdypoore 0
I got this from everydayhealth.com "Practitioners of Eastern medicine see a clear connection between headaches and gallbladder problems. One study indicates that idea may be correct."
dominic1221 6
Wow, a whole one study? :O :O :O I'm guessing you're talking about the chi-based "medicine" which is basically cheap pseudo-science, always has been, probably always will be. But anyway, you can't diagnose gallstones by listening to someone's heart-beat.
the_anti_hipster 7
Did he tell you the prostate exam was free too? Thats what you get for going to a doctor who practices out of a painter's van advertising free candy and puppies...
angel_ann15 0
doctors in England are free! :)
Zomg_Okay 27
55 - I doubt it. If you aren't paying for visits when you go to the doctor's office, then you're almost certainly paying for them when tax day comes around.
GothicAngel17 24
Doctors in Australia are free as well, so long as you pay 1% to Medicare from your earnings, which gets taken out automatically. And if you're on any kind of government benefit ie youth allowance, newstart or family tax benefit then pretty much EVERYTHING is free here :)
yanksby7 6
Only small amounts- not nearly what someone with insurance ends up paying for a hospital stay here in the US. But yeah...we don't want socialized medicine. Socialism is evil.
flirtyfaery 7
That's not quite how it works in Australia.
MrsAlexander83 10
Haha! Case in point why we don't want unified healthcare in America! I suffered with gallstones for 3 years and they don't pass naturally! IF they do--it's easy for them to end up in another duct and then you are in real trouble!