Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML
Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
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Top comments
Codezlol 21
Your dad needs to mime his own business
michaelaranda 28
Sorry about all the trouble op. Hopefully your dad will pay you back the bail and will be appreciative for your help. Everyone makes mistakes when theyre drunk. Not an excuse or justification.
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Comments (70)
Dreamsorrow93 24
Note to self... Make this into a mime.
Dreamsorrow93 24
Or that's my joke... That I thought was funny but apparently not.
iSativa 24
You've gotta be blunt when making puns on fml.. But not too blunt, because stupid people don't want to be insinuated as stupid while they're being stupid and judgmental.
MDoremis 38
That sounds like an _awesome_ way to spend the day.
j_cat187 20
Beating up midgets is more fun though.
thesmeagol 22
I prefer targeting the blind, they never see it coming.
Flyndaran 10
It's easier to sneak up on the deaf.
michaelaranda 28
Sorry about all the trouble op. Hopefully your dad will pay you back the bail and will be appreciative for your help. Everyone makes mistakes when theyre drunk. Not an excuse or justification.
ez2LOVE 13
really #17?? that's a super dumb question... I'm pretty sure the mime wasn't actually playing mind games... he was just being a mime, that's why the drunk dad beat him up. I'm guessing you have no idea what a mime is...
serslybro 20
Hopefully he'll pay you back when he sobers up. But I have to agree mines are creepy.
Moklon 18
I've never really found mines to be creepy, mostly just dangerous and explosive
IAmzephyr 22
you bet they're creepy. just sitting there waiting for you to waltz on in and take some minerals
serslybro 20
Lol mimes!!! Stupid autocorrect!
RodzillaX 30
Right over your head #8. :
miss_amphetamine 24
They may be creepy but doesn't everyone know they're just entertainers? And they can't even say anything, so how could they possibly make someone genuinely mad especially if they know it's only an act?
wvcheesehead 13
Actually most mines are underground. #16
Miss_Chevious 37
your dad needs to sober up
Codezlol 21
Your dad needs to mime his own business
iSativa 24
It's the quiet ones that you have to watch out for..
hammonds92 21
Omg the mime is a magician he's turn his invisible cell into a real cell for your dad. Good luck with that op
momac86 17
Ha ha sry that's hilarious ... I hate mimes so I understand where he's coming from
Dick_diamond 22
I'd have been seriously tempted to leave him in jail
ratorr2 23
I would have left his butt in there. If he's that violent while drunk then he needs to learn to control it.