Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
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Top comments
KittyJay 3
Leave him there. Punk bitches hit women...
calaholic35 0
Goddamn asshole..
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Comments (323)
Isa_fml 20
Since you say he 'tried' to guilt you into bailing him out, I'm going to assume you decided to let him clean up his own mess. Good on you, if that's the case. Also, folks, a man on Jersey Shore did hit a woman. It's easy enough to find out. I've never watched the show, I just Googled it. I don't think he was a cast member, but it did happen.
gorgeous_chik7 2
Well, 1.) "The Jersey Shore" part is an EXCUSE 2.) Your son is a douche bag 3.) The ONLY guy on Jersey Shore that hit a girl wasn't a cast member AND his life got ruined after that - he was fired from his job, he got jail time, and he had to pay restitution, so basically your son is dumb as f--- and you raised him so good job.
AnimationStation 3
Jershey Shore didn't raise your son from birth; you did. I wonder if you also attribute his good deeds to the God channel..... =/
reimichele 8
I wonder why everyone is so quick to make a Chris Brown joke but never really mention anyone else. Either way OP, I'm sorry your son did that. Kids ,even if they're grown ass men that should know better, get beyond their parents teaching. Let him sit there for a few days.....or weeks.
jakk_mehoff 4
Are you sure she didn't deserve it, If she is anything like the women from jersey shore...
Dracoboxer357 36
^ I guess that all depends: Did she give him a straight shot in the lips or kick his nuts into oblivion first, forcing OP's son to react in self-defense? No? Then I don't see how feeding this woman a knuckle sandwich just because he felt like it is at all justified. :p Just my humble opinion, of course....
Snazzy_Snaz 17
Jersey Shore is the worst
fmlman287 0
And he has the nerve to ask you to bail him out? You should answer him with these two words: **** NO!!!
shea3594 0
Your son should be dick slapped in the face! Wth DIDN'T you teach him?!
mkungle06 4
Yeah some of the cast has went to jail but none of them had hit woman. The one who go hit by a man was hit by a stranger. Not a cast member. Still a shitty thing for a man to do!!!
simsgirlgem 25
Don't bail him out a night in jail should fix him