Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
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Top comments
KittyJay 3
Leave him there. Punk bitches hit women...
calaholic35 0
Goddamn asshole..
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Comments (323)
sweetly1120 6
What an asshole!
linkinpark98 24
Leave him there. 1) He hit a woman. (And I'm not saying women get special treatment, it's wrong to hit anyone!) 2) He watches Jersey Shore. May he drop the soap!
baseballgirl25 6
I hope the girlfriend left his ass, And I hope your child got an ass kicking.
amandalillian 27
If he's old enough to legally be in a liquor store than he should have learnt this lesson by now, let him learn it the hard way. Have him stay in jail and then make him take some sort of behavioural therapy when he gets out. Television these days can suck, but not as much as the people who get convinced that the reality life style is the best way to live. I mean, I don't know about you guys but to me, they seem perpetually unhappy
MEM0817 18
Did you tell him not to drop the soap while he's there?
merryhappy1887 20
The apple doesnt fall far from the tree! Sounds like someone shouldn't have raised a stupid ****** tool for a son...
noobatubie 6
Sometimes people change. He is an adult now he responsible for his own actions.
sozan 0
Wow, he should be happy that he's not with "hardened" criminals.
AgaveLoco 5
Stupid violence...
havocmike 3
bad news, dad... he'd probably still be a dick if Jersey Shore never aired...
itsthisbitch 1
Or how about stop blaming tv like very other old ass conservative and start taking a second look at who raised the ******* douche
TechFire 25
I take it you're fan of that... "show?" If so, please don't reproduce.