Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML
Today, the older I get, the more I realise my mom has screwed up my ability to have sex. She used to beat me if she thought I was having impure thoughts, and though she died years ago, when I try to have sex with my girlfriend I hear mom's voice in my head and I go limp. I can’t even masturbate. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
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Top comments
KBeatz 5
It's moments like this when the neuralyzer from Men in Black would be legit.
plaguer 26
I'm sure your father would be more upset to know that you know. Better to only hear about it than actually have it done to you.
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Comments (118)
stewy133 10
When will parents realize there are things you just don't tell your kids.
photoquilty 6
My cousin once told me - quite truthfully - that my dad had a script of Viagra. Cuz's mom and mine are very close and discuss everything. And apparently she tells her son everything, too. Why he felt the need to tell me, I'll never know. And now I know that Daddy needs Viagra to get it up. You can't unhear that shit!
TRWizard 3
Has no one noticed that if the father is impotent then he must be someone else's child
thundergirl_fml 2
Um they haven't had sex in over a year...that doesn't mean they haven't had sex ever
dstluke 7
My mother has Alzheimer's. She told me once, in detail, how satisfied my dead father makes her.
sirsquab 12
That's... Much more of an fml then this one. Fyl. No offence op, fyl too.
perdix 31
He ought to take a trip to Viagra Falls to See Alice about some Levitra.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
All three. Very nice!
Crazberry 5
I feel worse for your mum than I do for you OP. I think stuff like this only gets awkward because people tend to visualize what their parents do in the bedroom like a porno or something. My mom and I have talked about sex (not in great detail) but it was never weird for me because I didn't think too hard about it. I mean of course they had sex or else I wouldn't be around.
UsernameHere234 13
Thank you for voicing that. When I first saw a condom in my parents garbage I was grossed out as is natural but I was like 7 at the latest then. But really why does it matter of they have or don't have sex. Its their life. Are you planning on once you have kids to just stop having sex? Hell no you won't.
curlyfry33 8
Ok I remember seeing condoms in my parents closet and I naturally thought that was kinda gross, but if I saw my parents USED CONDOM marinating in the trash I would probably take a flame thrower and set the garbage bin ablaze then put out the fire with holy water, dear God that's disgusting I feel sorry that you had to see that...gross
persianchikk 0
Your mom talked to you about something private and emotional.. And opened up to u.. And ur first instinct was to put it on fml? Thats sweet
threekings 2
buy her a vibrator?
Keliosan 6
Maybe your mom just needed someone to talk to. For people in love sex is a serious issue and tends not to be discussed lightly especially when it comes to problems. You need to take your mom out to dinner because this fml should be her's, and I really hope your first reaction wasn't something rude or insensitive. FHL and you need to get over it.
fordman22 0
At least you know you won't have any more sibblings! Lol
laden_swallow09 35
*siblings. Still thumbed up :)