Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my widowed mother told me she's been seeing a guy for the last 5 months. No problem. But now she insists on calling him, "New Daddy." I'm 37 and she lives across the street. FML
Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML
Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML
Today, I found out my dad is dating my dead mom's best friend. FML
Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML
Today, my mom asked me out of the blue if I was ever going to consider getting married. It wasn't until after the conversation ended that I remembered my siblings are all either single like I am, or incapable of having children. I am my mother's last hope of becoming a grandma, and she reminds me all the time. FML
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Top comments
rotflqtms_ 21
Wait a minute... Norman Bates, is that you?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Who's mommy's special little boy? Yes you are! Yes you are!
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Comments (6)
rotflqtms_ 21
Wait a minute... Norman Bates, is that you?
Rake 18
Creepy that you know when your mom had sex.. Maybe it's time to grow up and move out of the house, and like get a life?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Who's mommy's special little boy? Yes you are! Yes you are!
slhiggx 17
This sounds incestuous. That’s a bit disturbing. You two seem to need space apart.
BatCatTaco 13
Are you adopted, or 50 years old? either way, her sex life is none of your business.
Devil's Advocate 1
Giggity. 🤣