Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML
Today, the older I get, the more I realise my mom has screwed up my ability to have sex. She used to beat me if she thought I was having impure thoughts, and though she died years ago, when I try to have sex with my girlfriend I hear mom's voice in my head and I go limp. I can’t even masturbate. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
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Top comments
KBeatz 5
It's moments like this when the neuralyzer from Men in Black would be legit.
plaguer 26
I'm sure your father would be more upset to know that you know. Better to only hear about it than actually have it done to you.
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Comments (118)
perdix 31
There are two leading causes of impotence*: 1. Problems with blood flow to the penis 2. Trying to **** ugly women Take a good look at your mom and then you make the call. *Not necessarily in that order.
Keliosan 6
Considering that they have at least one child I would say he finds her mom attractive. Also, the fact that impotency is a problem for her points to them having an ok sex life beforehand.
smydiwannafthata 5
And how do you know exactly that they had one child?
ByronJess 17
37- Poster 33 used the term "at least", therefore insinuating that she doesn't know how many children OP's parents have.
Keliosan 6
Thank you for actually reading my comment(not being sarcastic)...and he* -_-
perdix 31
#33, you disappoint me. Some women let themselves go after they have kids. Hot women can become fat hags that cause penile limpness. This is not to say that the mom couldn't have been ugly all the time and the dad got shit-faced to procreate with her.
smydiwannafthata 5
You missed the point. Since her dad is impotent, they together may have zero child. I think that is what her mother was actually trying to tell her
Keliosan 6
The feeling is mutual perdix. As great as tying to make everything a joke is, it's not always appropriate.
tnt227 4
I have to say I like what people like perdix bring to the comment table. It's entertaining and beats reading everyone say things like "I'm so sorry. Look on the bright side." It's FML, not a group therapy session.
Keliosan 6
I'm sure you do. First, I said not always appropriate not "don't make jokes". Second, what he said wasn't even really funny just kind of rude and pathetic. Sorry, if some people prefer to be friendly. Being a douche isn't everyone's goal in life.
artemis1990 1
you do realize that a man isn't born impotent, right? It's caused often by some sort of diseases when you get older ( high blood pressure, diabetes, problems with the nervous system...). So maybe the had a completely healthy relationship until one or two years ago...
gmc_blossom 21
Stop complaining about Perdix. Without people like him on FML, the comments would be boring. It's called having a sense of humour. Don't take everything seriously.
UsernameHere234 13
You guys are missing it. The post says they haven't in a year and a half. The youngest I'd think OP is would be 15ish. Thus they had sex for 13ish years after he was born. It wouldn't take 13 years for OP's mom to turn ugly from pregnancy nor would it take the father 13 years to stop if it was pregnancy induced. And for most changes such as aging that causes "beauty" declines, it happens at such a slow pace that it typically won't be a huge issue.
UsernameHere234 13
Also, some of perdix's jokes are funny yes but the more of them I read the more are becoming just rude and inconsiderate. Like honestly who wants someone calling their mom ugly (true or not) unless you had a rather poor relationship with her. And yes you can say "oh it was just a joke" as you kneel at perdix's feet and lick his shoes clean, but the fact of it is sometimes the joke you want to make is just not right and you should keep it to yourself. I had to cut ties with one of my best friends because all he ever did was "joke" about Shit he shouldn't.
curlyfry33 8
Perdix, I like you as a normal commenter who creates funny comments but this one was to far
smydiwannafthata 5
Wait, where did you come from then?
saIty 17
The belly button
smydiwannafthata 5
What I meant is, how did her mom got pregnant if her father was impotent
saIty 17
Magic
LadyTorako 7
From her mother o.o Chances are, he wasn't impotent when they got married. Or maybe he isn't her father.
thiscrazything 1
It's your mom. She opened up to you, is it that hard for you to be supportive?
FtheFMLTeam 0
#thirdworldproblems
FlashBurn 13
What are you complaining about? At least you know your parents don't have sex. Damn it must suck to be them... You think they don't enjoy sex and that it doesn't support a healthy marriage? F their lives...
dieselguy82 0
Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww! The image has to be scaring.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
She just needed someone to talk to.
Ribit 9
Unfortunately, I know just how you feel. My parents each used to tell me about their sex life. I never asked and I did NOT want to hear it!
benhemon 4
Way to have some empathy and provide some emotional support for the woman who brought you into this world and raised your ungrateful ass. Can you imagine how much that must suck for her (well, them, really)?
artemis1990 1
i totally agree with you on that point. i would rather NOT hear my parents when they have sex, but i know that they do it and it's okay. i want my parents to be happy and enjoy their relationship. if my mother had some issues she wants to talk about, i'm trying to help her ( even if it ay be embarassing for me) because i love her
Randomhero1994 1
I feel bad for OP's dad