Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML
Today, the older I get, the more I realise my mom has screwed up my ability to have sex. She used to beat me if she thought I was having impure thoughts, and though she died years ago, when I try to have sex with my girlfriend I hear mom's voice in my head and I go limp. I can’t even masturbate. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
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Top comments
KBeatz 5
It's moments like this when the neuralyzer from Men in Black would be legit.
plaguer 26
I'm sure your father would be more upset to know that you know. Better to only hear about it than actually have it done to you.
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Comments (118)
IcedJesus 5
It's better then her saying they do it like rabbits..
Myo_fml 20
This FML isn't about you, OP it's about your parents. They have a serious problem to work out and all you can do is bitch about it?Something like this ends marriages. We're not going to hold a pity party for you.
happysmartg 5
Oh come on. My mom's told me worse.
eman1972 4
Wow. I sure wish I could meet your mom.
bizarre_ftw 22
Would you prefer to picture the two of them ******* like bunnies?
The_F3rris 11
At least you didnt hear them doing it
DeadBitch 5
Woah. Iknow how you feel,my mum thinks its okay to discuss her monthly cycles with me and then talk about them with other people while I'm still in the room. :I
DaisyPink 6
F their lives!!
lovepandorasaver 11
Sorry mom, you thought your daughter could share empathy with your problems. I would rather hear this than knowing my parents banged the second I walked out the door growing up, but I still was happy that they were happy.
Leslier_fml 4
Oh the horror! Buy her a toy.