Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
footballfreak65 6
That's horrible!!! I mean really clever but he's an ass.
that1guyyy 12
He really laid it it on you.
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Comments (123)
that1guyyy 12
He really laid it it on you.
borkchop1992 15
No
Oreohugzpenny 4
I got the talk at 14
LarryLaDouche 13
I never received one of these fabled sex talks. I got a demonstration of what sex was when my friend used my thermos and lunch box as props. In the 3rd grade.
kristabelli 19
I think this is one of the worst FMLs I've ever seen... sucks that your dad would say that about you, OP. :(
ALuminousHusky 5
I didnt get the talk! my dad came in saying 'Son, we need to have a little man to man chat.' I just looked him dead in the eye saying 'No we don't.'
onlychildFTW 34
I never had it. Seems like it would be awkward anyways. Plus we learn all that stuff in like grade 4 now.
LiyIa_fml 8
I learned in 6th grade. But I'm sorry about that OP don't let it get to you. You'll find someone eventually!
nado13579 12
I learned right before starting fifth grade. It was the most traumatising conversation I've had in my entire life. ._.
footballfreak65 6
That's horrible!!! I mean really clever but he's an ass.
DeadxManxWalking 27
Have to admit I did chuckle.
Inheritance 10
He really laid it all out on you didn't he? Such low standards from your dad.. Fyl..
MissMae93 23
46 - Nice attempt at stealing 1's thunder.
lebronesque73091 12
Oh damn, that's harsh. Sorry, OP.
pinky94 5
Wow.. Your dad sure "knows you" well huh?
Rowdey 10
Unnecessaryquotes.com
sonicgreg 12
She should not become a **** "just cause"
LoveGuru69 0
How old is OP, 10?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
That's terrible :/ sounds like something my father would say.
ClassyCommando 13
Fathers are sort of like assholes. I mean, it makes sense that we have them...but they're still assholes.
LordVader789 3
Mine isn't an asshole
KrazieKleo 13
But he has an asshole which in turn makes him one too.
Inediblepeaches 15
Too much brain.... My logic hurts....
mpalmiter 0
Mine is.
MrBond007_fml 6
So prove him wrong, bring a girl home, and just to get back at him for the comment, screw her on his bed.
TBelle4Ever 15
OP is a girl
cutenessizme 4
Op is female
MrBond007_fml 6
My bad, same applies backwards. I'm sexist and automatically assumed that op was a guy. Yes yes I know... Ass out of you and me...
supportcommand 17
Maybe she should bring home another chick. That'll really give dad something to talk about.
Red_rum91 0
The **** way is the only way.
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Yea she should get ****** on his bed. But then he'll probably whine about that as well.
mpalmiter 0
No, just you. Hahahahahahahahahaha
LoveGuru69 0
what if OP is lesbian? than Mr.Bond would be correct, and the other two commentors would be homophobes
BBoxall 0
You definitely don't deserve that! Sorry:C your dad seems like a jerk. Confront him about it!
beccaishereyay 11
I hate these fmls about parents talking shit. It's so sad.
MDTeddy 13
Why would they hate their kids so much? I have no idea.
NinjaAssasin720 0
You have nice ****
hopsinlove17 26
He doesn't hate his kid...just has little faith in them
SteezinDiego 3
Orange County? Me too!
perdix 31
Your mom's sex talk must be pretty great that you had to go rub one out in the middle.
Forlorn420 9
Good enough that I'd bet dad was listening
ArmlessSkydiver 7
who knew girls could rub one out..
PYLrulz 17
The Trolldad speaks!
misspulkadot24 17
Your picture works splendidly, I love it :)
PYLrulz 17
The other thing that popped into my mind was making a Family Guy reference, and saying the OP was Meg
Unbweavable 17
Got get knocked up to prove him wrong. *sarcasm*
chellyX92 8
Sarcasm or not, that's a horrible idea.
cutenessizme 4
Oh wow, you guys have the same picture. For a second I thought that person replied to themselves.