Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML
Today, the older I get, the more I realise my mom has screwed up my ability to have sex. She used to beat me if she thought I was having impure thoughts, and though she died years ago, when I try to have sex with my girlfriend I hear mom's voice in my head and I go limp. I can’t even masturbate. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
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Top comments
KBeatz 5
It's moments like this when the neuralyzer from Men in Black would be legit.
plaguer 26
I'm sure your father would be more upset to know that you know. Better to only hear about it than actually have it done to you.
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Comments (118)
Myo_fml 20
The FML isn't about you,OP. We're not going to throw you a pity party for something serious that your parents must face together. You're VERY empathetic, aren't you?
perdix 31
No worries about incest. That's a plus!
deequu 20
Humans have sex you know, I'm sure you can help her try fix it. Instead of thinking about yourself.
xmaximusx 12
Try walking in on them when you are 10 years old ******* discusting
doodlecloud 27
Well on the scale of things you can't unhear, 'your parents don't have sex' is not nearly as bad as 'your parents DO have sex'. More like f your mum's life...
dathan 14
So... what's the bad thing? o_O Most people would rather hear this than 'Hey I just had sex with your father'...
CamdenMarie 6
Maybe it's time for you to grow up, OP. Adults have sex, its really not that big of a deal. You should be glad to know your parents still love each other, a lot of us don't have the luxury of having both parents even in the same house. Your mother is opening up to you, so try being less of a selfish child and more of an adult.
DoorMatCat 3
You shouldn't complain about your parents NOT having sex. some people's parents love talking about it.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
At least you won't need to worry about any noises from them late at night.
Calyx_fml 22
He's not impotent. He's just not attracted to your mom. I'll bet he would be potent for Jessica Alba.