Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML
Today, the older I get, the more I realise my mom has screwed up my ability to have sex. She used to beat me if she thought I was having impure thoughts, and though she died years ago, when I try to have sex with my girlfriend I hear mom's voice in my head and I go limp. I can’t even masturbate. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
KBeatz 5
It's moments like this when the neuralyzer from Men in Black would be legit.
plaguer 26
I'm sure your father would be more upset to know that you know. Better to only hear about it than actually have it done to you.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (118)
Keevarou 17
It's not really **** your life to be honest, but your fathers. If you were a man, you would know how much impotence can be humiliating.. At least you have a functionally body, he does not. And your mom does not get her "fix" from your father even if she wants it
plaguer 26
I'm sure your father would be more upset to know that you know. Better to only hear about it than actually have it done to you.
jessicaazzzzzzzz 3
My mom told me that since she hit menopause she had difficulty getting aroused. I feel for ya op.
SherBear133 7
How would you have this done to you?
MizzErikaHart 8
Better to hear about impotence than to have it
Scarshadow101 6
Oh. My. Poor you, OP. I can see why this would be disturbing. In my house, terms like that are banned. After reading this FML, I'm very thankful for it.
KBeatz 5
It's moments like this when the neuralyzer from Men in Black would be legit.
onlychildFTW 34
That thing would come in handy in a ton of life situations to do with parents or just awkward conversations you had with girls/guys. Set it for like 30mins or something. And be all good for life.
Gringe 1
I dont understand... Do u cringe at the thought of ur dad not having sex? What abt this is disturbing...
minus20 4
As always ****** love you kbeatz your comments never disappoint me
gracehi 33
Wow. That may be the only thing worse than your mom telling you she and your father have a great sex life. My parents would have sex every saturday morning. I knew this because their bedroom was right next to mine. I would turn the radio up really loud so I wouldn't hear their poorly subdued...noises...but at least I knew they were still happy together. That was an awkward and disturbing experience for me, but what you learned is just...sad. Sorry OP. :(
curlyfry33 8
I dont understand why parents feel the need to...fornicate while children are around
LdyJstc 8
Seriously, what are they supposed to do with the kids when they want to "fornicate?" Just because you have kids does not mean you are DEAD! Sex is a great stress-reliever. Without it, I predict many kids would be the recipients of the pent up frustration...
Starcatch77 20
But they could still at least wait until the kids are at school or at least not right next door to their bedroom...
hotPinklipstick 24
It could always be worse, she could have explained their last intercourse in very vivid detail and finished the story off explaining how her new vibrator makes her feel more like a woman than your father ever did.
Purplefluff 6
If anyone said that to me I'd need a therapist never mind my parents
Driblets 8
My mom does the first part you were talking about. O.o. I don't really mind though, I just kind of ignore it.
zoPwNAgEzo 21
It's better to hear about them not having sex then to walk in on them having sex. You'd never un see that
mea_iloveskiing 26
I completely agree. :)
onlychildFTW 34
A picture is worth a thousand words. Or in this case a burned in image of an event you whitenessed. but let's face it. More awkward is your mum walking in on you having sex with someone. Because shell always want to talk about it after. Or while your still in bed.
naddification 7
My eyes and head hurt while reading this.
whosindahouse 9
By typing this down you make it even harder to forget. And also this should be an FML for your mom, not you.
saIty 17
So just get her a "toy" for her birthday.
om102907 4
Gooood sympathy skills. Well then dont run to her with your issues either.
Zomg_Okay 27
She's OP's mother. Listening to OP's issues is her job. Loading hers onto her daughter isn't.
Mauskau 36
My mum happily tells me she hasn't had sex with my dad since I was conceived. I'm 16.
stewy133 10
Your dad is having sex with other women then. She just doesn't know it.
TheDrudgeChild 4
Your parents are lying then, either because it's awkward for them or they don't think you're ready to hear about it. And if they don't have sex, they still **********. Enjoy that mental image.
Blaqkeyeliner 6
I believe she is just saying that so she doesn't scar you for life lol
UsernameHere234 13
I don't see why this is so shocking. Some people and some religions forbid sex for any purpose but child making. And you need to go see a bunch of people and get permission to have sex. (I know because my aunt is one of them).
sirsquab 12
I'm pretty sure the only people with the will power to do that are either closeted gays, asexual, or simply don't counts things like 69ing, etc.
UsernameHere234 13
89, while I agree that it's rare and it won't surprise me if some or even lots (though not all) who claim to do this are actually still having sex. But some of these religions (like Hara Krishna, sorry I'm sure I botched that spelling) require you to be very devoted and as such they follow practically everything to the letter.
laden_swallow09 35
Get over it, OP. Your father has a legitimate health concern that already has a very detrimental effect to his own happiness and maybe so far as your parents' very marriage. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, look for some local professionals over the Internet like sex therapists, urologists, and the like and be supportive for once.
nesscafe_fml 17
Why should the child be the one looking to help their parents sex lives!? Thats just weird.