Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been messaging younger girls on Tinder and trying to meet up. I asked him why he would do such a thing when we have a healthy sex life. His response was ,“They’re just hotter, just like that senior football player you cheated on me with in sophomore year high school.” We’re 40 now. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, I thought I’d get revenge on my cheating husband by seducing the woman he’s been seeing behind my back. Unfortunately, even though I’ve never been attracted to women, I’ve inexplicably fallen head over heels in love with her. What now? FML
Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
"Still a better love story than twilight" comments are coming.
tinysocks 11
That's never a nice place to find yourself, good luck man...
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Comments (87)
tinysocks 11
That's never a nice place to find yourself, good luck man...
itsharkley 8
"Edward would forgive her!!!!" :facewall:
DA14573 6
As I am divorced for the same reason, I concur with number 1. Except he left out "dump her ass". ( Divorce )
tinysocks 11
She, but it's cool. This picture does make me look more like a 14 yr old boy than a 30 yr old woman... But it's true. Dump her ass!
Pleonasm 36
"Still a better love story than twilight" comments are coming.
dhooks111490 8
Seriously...enough. You are bad at this man.
Demonfish 14
9- I beg to differ. This dude has made some pretty humorous comments so far, by my reckoning.
Pleonasm 36
9 -Are you going to shadow me on every comment I make now? I think it's enough alright, enough of you. I'm entitled to write what I want. It wasn't even a joke so get off my back and crawl back down your grief-hole.
ManInTheMachine 20
Ignore him Pleonasm. We all (the regulars, that is) have people that, for some reason or another, dislike us enough to follow us around behind the scenes, waiting for us to ****-up. I guess you could say it's a form of underlying jealousy or envy, because they'll never be funny or as intelligent, so they take it out on others. Don't give them the satisfaction of being noticed.
AzNbABe69 0
Seems like dhooks has a massive crush on pleonasm! He's constantly hating on him. What's up with that?
Schizomaniac 24
If you don't have haters you're doing something wrong.
Pleonasm 36
Well I wasn't expecting them so soon, or so persistent. Anyway, thanks for your support, everyone.
madskittlesftw 5
Again, 9, **** YOU. Have a nice day:D
bestnameright 14
Oh my gosh I just realized the beard in your pic... Thought you were around my age!
gracehi 33
I had a personal troll once. His name was downtime or something like that. I finally said, "I've noticed you reply to my comments a lot, and you're always picking a fight. What's with the hostility?" He never replied and I haven't seen him anywhere on this site, let alone the reply section of my comments, since. I think dhooks will leave you alone now that you've confronted him, if not drop off the face of the earth completely.
Pleonasm 36
So, what you're telling me is, that he's experiencing some downtime right now?
GuessWhatKids 13
They're coming? Oh no! They'll have children and multiply!
Srs_business 7
Probably beats the life advice I got in the YouTube comment section...
Pleonasm 36
What was the advice? I'm curious. But seriously sometimes there's a shining beam of enlightenment amidst the seeping shit-cyst that is the comment section, so bravo if it actually was good advice.
Srs_business 7
It was a joke. I'd probably never take advice from YouTube comments. I get all the life advice I need from the FML comment section.
Pleonasm 36
MagicPleonasmBall™ says: Prospect Good.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Don't instantly dismiss advice because you don't like the source. Hitler probably could've great tips on public speaking. That said, OP, take whatever was said with a grain of salt (or a whole cellar full of salt). This is actually a simple problem: stay or go. Both of you get a vote and if you both vote stay, figure out how together.
sammyjanette 17
The only advice you need is to get proof of your (ex)wife's transgressions, so that when you go to divorce court she gets nothing!
shifted 5
No!!! You have to get back together! That's what they seems to have done...then again I guess they don't have a movie to promote...your right, divorce
linstar 13
63 - that made so sense whatsoever.
ShyAnn29 15
74, 63 is talking about Kristen and Robert
linstar 13
76 - ah, I see. Thanks for that, had no idea they had even split up.
posie94 7
Are you a policeman by any chance?
shifted 5
Nah this has to be the wife of the guy who was cheating with the policeman's wife
evilplatypus 39
Except OP is male...
evilplatypus 39
That was at 65, BTW.
KVKdragon 26
Eh, I wouldn't exactly judge. Sure, they're obsessed fans of a book series and all but if the advice is solid and plausible, use it :)
Marrach 7
Find out what went wrong, and try to fix it. Not enough attention? Too busy? You can do it OP!
AzNbABe69 0
7 Seriously, that's your advice? For OP to figure out what he did wrong that his wife cheated. Really? It's quite obvious that you have never been in a relationship. How the **** is it OP's fault that his skanky wife cheated? It's definitely not his fault that his wife is a stupid *****. It's NEVER ok to cheat, ever!
Marrach 7
I never said it was his fault jackass. Cheating was a possiblity but I didn't want to mention it. I've been in a relationship, quit being an ass and interpreting peoples life the way you want.
AzNbABe69 0
Actually that's EXACTLY what you implied. You stated for OP to figure out what he did wrong and fix it. Did you not read your own comment. Oh and by the way, you're actually the jackass! Have a nice day!
AzNbABe69 0
And let me just say, you don't have to be a rude asshole. I never said anything negative about you, only your comment. So, get a life!
TheMathMajor 26
I have been cheated on before. If you are in a committed relationship and the person isn't someone who just cheats because they can (which is rare) cheating is a result of something wrong in the relationship. It is not the way to go about handling said problem and is never acceptable, but if you are able to forgive your partner and fix the underlying problem it is possible to move on from it and still keep the relationship, or at least try to. Marrach wasn't implying that it is OP's fault his wife cheated or that he deserved it in any way, just that if you find and address the problem that led to that than it is possible to save the marriage IF they both want that.
vitty_z 16
You should read the comments on other marriage related FMLs. This community loves to give all sorts of advice
cobi45 2
Just pay no mind to the trolls and assholes lol, they're everywhere!
BlowinChronic 18
71- Ahh but along with the ignorant assholes there are also a few people that would give genuine and useful advice.
Bliss391 7
Desperate times call for desperate measures, but maybe not that desperate.
caplox 6
desperate needs call for desperate measures..
AzNbABe69 0
Hmmmm... This comment sounds really familiar. I wonder why??
Pleonasm 36
They were so desperate in their timing that they got the phrase wrong.
AzNbABe69 0
28 Yea you're right! I knew the comment was almost identical but didn't realize that they got the phrase wrong too! Lol