Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML
Today, the older I get, the more I realise my mom has screwed up my ability to have sex. She used to beat me if she thought I was having impure thoughts, and though she died years ago, when I try to have sex with my girlfriend I hear mom's voice in my head and I go limp. I can’t even masturbate. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
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Top comments
KBeatz 5
It's moments like this when the neuralyzer from Men in Black would be legit.
plaguer 26
I'm sure your father would be more upset to know that you know. Better to only hear about it than actually have it done to you.
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Comments (118)
alohaduchess 1
Ugh...get used to it. My mother told me that about 10yrs ago, and she mentions it at least once a week now.
Emma71298 9
better than her telling you its every day XD
toohottiedottie 2
Grow the **** up. Your parents have sex. Deal. Or at least they used to. Haha.
BloodFaerie 21
Grow the **** up, princess. You know they screwed at least once if they had you, unless you're a complete moron. (Semi-moronic based on this submission.) I have heard my parents going at it in the next room and chose to be happy that my parents were still happily in love unlike the poor kids whose parents divorce. And being a mature adult, I had no problem boldly asking my mom if sex was different after her hysterectomy when she had cancer. I even teased my dad because one night I heard him try to put the moves on my mom and was completely shot down! It was hilarious. Your parents are people, too. Get the **** over it.
Volley15 0
For all of you trying to say "so a lot of people don't have sex" She is saying she didn't need to hear about her parents sex life ...or lack-thereof
rogue2888 4
Lol. Guess what might be coming. Again lol
bigmikkyjay 0
would you rather hear that they bang every other night? lol
Megyn_13 0
That's not so bad my mom tells me stuff like that alot doesn't bug me anymore
Taurus_ChicKa 37
My mom says that all the time in a joking manner. I just laugh it off. Would you rather hear them getting it on?
bubo_fml 11
Time 4 Pops to go out & get a new suit...After all, if he's impotent, he might as well look impotent!
Sprykeh 4
I guess you don't understand what 'impotent' is and its differentiation between important.
bubo_fml 11
Actually, I was quoting one of the oldest jokes in the book...However, congratulations on your valiant attempt at making me look a right bollocks...