Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out that my mom is doing a study and is keeping used pads in the freezer. FML
Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML
Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML
Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML
Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML
Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML
Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test, saying, "Well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML
Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML
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Top comments
apache316 6
"Man I am so drunk off my ass right now"
calilovesneb 12
It could be worse. My friends mom opened up the trash once to look for her used tampons because she thought she was faking being on her period and hiding being pregnant. All because of some Dr. Phil episode too.
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Comments (280)
Epikouros 32
So now you can stuff alcohol-soaked maxi pads in your ass and get *really* drunk very quickly. Plus, you may get to meet DocBastard in hospital (if you survive long enough to get to the hospital).
dannnngthatsux 19
um. Epi. pads aren't tampons. Ow!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I bet she doesn't let you use hand sanitizer or mouthwash in fear of you drinking it to get drunk.
Enslaved 38
Well, that's what I do when I want to get drunk off my ass!:P What else am I going to do with my cheap bottles of "Skol"? That stuff taste nasty!
callous 2
Kids these days.
killer6969 16
Wtf?
sammii_bear 5
There was a story on the news about this...
Outnuendo 8
You see, she obviously needs to to both hear more and take it a step further. For example. I have heard that sharpies can cause highs. My children wil be fed a healthy diet of crayons and propaganda concerning the evil of sharpies. Even better, I'll repress all of their creativity, so they lack even the URGE to pick one up. Totally not going to backfire. Totally not.
ashleymarie0453 5
... You can do that? ...brb.
dannnngthatsux 19
and???? We're waiting...
graceirave 5
Wow that story was from a while ago and yeah tons of people do it ...
osm1989_fml 6
Ah yes, I remember high school fondly... when all the kids would get together for drunken-butt-tampon parties...