Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out that my mom is doing a study and is keeping used pads in the freezer. FML
Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML
Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML
Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML
Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML
Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML
Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test, saying, "Well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML
Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML
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Top comments
apache316 6
"Man I am so drunk off my ass right now"
calilovesneb 12
It could be worse. My friends mom opened up the trash once to look for her used tampons because she thought she was faking being on her period and hiding being pregnant. All because of some Dr. Phil episode too.
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Comments (280)
xgirlofglassx 4
Dafuq did I just read.
Sarkisa54 5
An FML. Welcome to the FML community.
MedKits 9
A really weird one by the standards of usual FMLs
buck33 14
It said that the OP's mother got rid of OP's tampons because she read a BS story about local teens dipping tampons in alcohol and inserting them analy to get drunk.
domking1315 20
That joke only works in the right ocasions
Calyx_fml 22
Maybe you should stick to lurking in the shadows #1.
missamazinggg 12
It's not bs, it's actually true. A few girls in my area were hospitalized because the alcohol went straight into their bloodstream.
xgirlofglassx 4
Sorry guys... The pressure of commenting first got to me. :/
doctorhook86 25
My German is pretty rusty, so please feel free to correct me: OP, deine Mutter ist blöd.
laughmaster 9
That happens??
ConBroChilll 9
149- oder einfach nur leichtgläubig! mine is rusty too haha
Harpy20 24
146- Ya don't say... Obviously, the point is for the alcohol to go straight into the blood stream unnoticed. The problem with it is that you can't control the rate of absorption and unlike the stomach, the anus isn't equipped to expel the unabsorbed alcohol. By the time you have had too much it's too late. Very easy to get poisoning this way.
ellie121 4
Someone sounds experienced :p
ArielTheMermaid 17
This is one of the weirdest things I've ever read
AKGirlinSD 20
225, it is weird. Unfortunately, it is true. Girls have been doing this for a while. I've seen these stories on the news for over a year now, easily.
selenagomezlover 8
That's gut
Welshite 40
An alcohol enema? I didn't know that was possible.
chellyX92 8
It was on 1000 ways to die but not that form. The dude had throat surgery and had his wife give him a enema of whiskey so he could get drunk. She gave him the whole bottle and because the body will absorb alcohol quicker that way he died of alcohol poisoning. It's actually a really dumb and dangerous things kids are doing.
cr3ativity 15
It's possible. The intestine allows alcohol to get into the blood stream much more quickly, and would take less alcohol to get "buzzed" / "grilled" / whatever slang dirty hipsters use to describe getting drunk.
itsme1321 3
Your skin is selectively permeable. Hence the trans-dermal patch being used for medications like birth control, pain management, & addiction therapies. Mucous membranes (mouth, nose, rectum, and ******) are more permeable. Thus resulting in quicker, unfiltered absorption of substances.
br0ccoli 15
2- According to the email, it is. I wonder what that tampon will be like once you take it out. Gross.
Welshite 40
^Thanks guys. I didn't know any of that information. I appreciate that you told me without ripping me apart for ignorance. :)
Kallian_fml 21
While I agree that alcohol is easily absorbed in those sensitive areas, getting a soaked tampon into your anus is complete bullshit. Most people would have trouble getting just a tampon in there, with alcohol it's all soft and squishy and swollen... That's a fun mental image...
cindy00 5
Kids are doing it so parents can't smell it on their breath. I assume they do it using a tampon with a plastic applicator.
onlychildFTW 34
Oh yes it's possible. I saw an episode of "1000 ways to die" and he died by getting liquor poured in his ass through an enema bag. He died because it doesn't go through the liver and the liver takes out most of the alcohol. So he died from alcohol poisoning.
itsme1321 3
56 - they leave the tampon in the plastic applicatior, soak it in alcohol, apply lube to the tip, then insert it just as one would insert a normal tampon into their ******. My husband is an emt and has actually seen the aftermath of this a few times...not pretty...
Kallian_fml 21
Am I one of the few people left who are capable of inserting a tampon without an applicator? I don't even know what one looks like...
justspin 7
88-nah. I dont need one either.
counterfit 10
78 - That's not exactly how ingesting alcohol normally works. Your liver is not part of the digestive systemt that way.
Epsilonyx 15
I should really stop eating while browsing FML...
huyfken 0
115- everything passes through the liver if digested and absorbed via the stomach/intestines. Sublingual and rectal absorption bypasses the liver. Google "first pass metabolism" for more information about this
SW500 13
Yeah, some kids like to do that, rather dangerous though. I don't see why they don't just drink, it's more social anyways. Unless of course, people are helping one another shove a tampon up each other's asses.
EduJav321 24
Actually, its possible to do it, through the anus or ******, its kind of like doing an eye shot, the skin absorbs the alcohol because its a more sensitive area, but it can cause severe burns and pain on the area that it is used depending on how strong the alcohol is
fuzz97 23
Steve-O did it on Jackass
bla102 4
Your mom needs to stop believing that everything on the internet is true
Psych101 9
Wait, not everything on the Internet is true? So that Russian mail order bride I sent away for isn't coming? Next you'll be telling me that I wasn't really that website's 10,000th visitor and I didn't win a free iPad.
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
Actually, that is true. I heard reports on the radio about it
miyaviichan 27
20- and my late ultra rich uncle Mahamadou in Nigeria didn't really leave me 400,000 dollars?...
lostinlabels 8
Yeah, it has to be true if it's on the radio AND the internet...
SierraaaNicoleee 26
So there aren't any hot singles in this area looking for me?
Psych101 9
81- I choose to believe that one is true for personal reasons.
tweimorts 4
It's definitely true. It's been on national news multiple times.
then000bster 16
@81 >.> It's those Internet Bears. I hear that one in 5 people you meet online is a bear waiting to meet up in real life and maul you.
noelykins1 19
Yes but this is true. My neighbor who is a cop has seen many woman do this while they were driving. Though no alcohol could be found on their breath when they were checking them out he found a tampon hanging out, he questioned and being drunk off their ass you honestly think they lied?
alstbv12 13
This reminds me of my favorite quote. "Don't believe everything you read on the Internet" -Thomas Jefferson
TomPusslicker 21
Now im not sure if the girl who pulled hers out freeing a wedgie was telling us the whole truth. Im not sure of anything anymore *Frowny face* ....lol the 'whole' truth...
Z_Diggy 8
This isn't only true, it's very dangerous. When you have alcohol put into your system this way, it is way more potent than when ingested.
destroyer69 0
117: that wasn't half bad for your first comment
Abbeygale 8
OP - Well that is just delightful, I'm sure many girls relish the thought of putting alcohol soaked tampons up their arse.
calilovesneb 12
It could be worse. My friends mom opened up the trash once to look for her used tampons because she thought she was faking being on her period and hiding being pregnant. All because of some Dr. Phil episode too.
reallytho3 11
Suspicious parent + dr.phil = hell for a child everytime
teh_uber_muffin 3
Dr. Phil Impersonating an actual doctor since 2006. (ie- his medical license expired in 2006)
Inheritance 10
43 thank you.. And your mom does know you can die from that right?
DocBastard 40
Uber_muffin - He never had a medical licence. He's a psychologist, not a psychiatrist.
TomPusslicker 21
Yeah, when i was younger, my mom thought i was doing meth because she found a empty, burnt up lightbulb attached to fish tubing because she read it in some parenting magazine. Really i was just too broke to afford a vaporizer for weed. I can understand her concerns and reasoning, but she knew i smoked pot, and refused to believe it was not meth. Eventually you realize that you love and hate your parents for the exact same reason; trying and caring.
Abbeygale 8
148 - Cool story Bro.
NikkiRainbow63 31
Wow. That's really gross... Talk about a serious invasion of privacy.
emanhernandez 22
You still need a medical license
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Maybe you can sit down with her and tell your mom you want tampons instead! Good luck, OP!
westcoastkp 13
yeah like that'll work...
BrouKiersR 3
It ain't tht easy!!! .-.
peachyFML 17
Did you even read the FML?
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Yeah, I did, and I don't particularly appreciate your condescension.
apache316 6
"Man I am so drunk off my ass right now"
naduskalove 3
Hahah good one ;)
7lovepink 3
VolleyAly 14
Clever!!
daizttgg 9
A **** at my school did the same thing at homecoming. She got arrested :D she was stupid *****.
dead_insects 18
the saddest thing is some people actually MIGHT try this... the alcohol doesn't get filtered by the kidneys so one gets drunker much faster, of course the fatality rate is really high as well. Of course as is true with all stupid people, that's not necessarily a bad thing...
skullofdarkness 18
Wait, that could actually work?! Holy shit!
counterfit 10
That is not how it works at all. Your kidneys don't filter out alcohol, your liver does. Also, it filters it out of your blood, not your stomach, so it doesn't matter which orifice you use.
saintsrocksocks 10
.
destroyer69 0
118: r u a doctor?
Knightchaser27 25
213-You don't have to be a doctor to know how the body works.
destroyer69 0
I wud tell u I give a **** but I already gave it to ur mom last night
chellyX92 8
When I began using tampons I did it out of secrecy because it was just me and my dad and I was too embarrassed to ask. Well he found them and since he was told you can't be a virgin while using tampons he assumed I was a lying ***** and was grounded for 3 months. Parents are nuts. I feel your pain OP.
happyday123_321 2
This is why men should not get involved with teenaged girls and their periods.
RedPillSucks 33
Ignorant men. There are other men out there who understand things, are sensitive and know what to do. Also, from the FML, there are clearly women who don't know shit.
stfuNOWplease 6
Damn that sucks. I used to send my dad to the store and get my feminine hygiene products. You just made my dad sound awesome.
br0ccoli 15
It sounds like it would work. It also sounds like a great way to end up at the emergency room.
Kallian_fml 21
It sounds like it would work? You mean to tell me that you've got/know of and anus that's loose enough to shove a big, soggy, swollen, squishy tampon in it?
Epikouros 32
I do.
br0ccoli 15
66 - It's called an applicator. Soak & insert. A little resourcefulness will go a long way. And it would work because inserting it that way really would get you drunk.
bsmith9942 11
#66 Not to be gross but I'm pretty sure a tampon is way smaller than a dick an those get shoved up asses all the time.
destroyer69 0
235: u no from experience ;)
dannnngthatsux 19
#66. I think I'm in love! Absolutely hilarious! Hopefully those aren't soaked in alcohol too!! How are things in Petit Roche?
dannnngthatsux 19
Sorry my last comment was for 235.
coughyochick 7
You can actually get drunk off you ass?
nevereyes 31
Yup, sept people tend to die from doing it.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I learned that from 1000 ways to die.