Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out that my mom is doing a study and is keeping used pads in the freezer. FML
Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML
Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML
Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML
Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML
Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML
Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test, saying, "Well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML
Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML
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Top comments
apache316 6
"Man I am so drunk off my ass right now"
calilovesneb 12
It could be worse. My friends mom opened up the trash once to look for her used tampons because she thought she was faking being on her period and hiding being pregnant. All because of some Dr. Phil episode too.
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Comments (280)
kristina_woof 6
I prefer my alcohol orally... Call me old fashioned
PrimeEvilTahir 24
....and some prefer to try anal...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
It's because there's no filter through anal, resulting in greater intoxication. ****, I'm starting to sound like DocBastard.
ebonyirony 29
It's absorbed almost directly into your bloodstream. I hate getting drunk. I find I'm really annoying while I am.
dannnngthatsux 19
and you can pass breathalyzers!!!
teresee 8
That sounds painful to have alcohol up your ******.
Welshite 40
Wrong place of insertion. I doubt any female would want alcohol there.
Shrike 24
Yeah, if your asshole is in your ******, you must be real popular with the guys.
Welshite 40
Hey, two birds with one stone and all that...
br0ccoli 15
18 - Sounds like that configuration requires vaginal Fabreeze.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
If your asshole is in you ******, I'm staying far, far away from you. I guess scat fetishists would like it though.
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Yo dog I heard you like to have sex... So I put her ****** in her asshole to you can **** while you ****... Sorry failed attempt at the xzibit meme
teresee 8
Woah I guess I read it wrong. Sorry, my mistake.
dannnngthatsux 19
well...any membranous organ.******, anus, lips, penis, eyes. Who hoo, every hole for itself!!
FlavorlessPie 7
Cheer up! Now you can send your mum an email saying that says basically anything good for you in an email!
destroyer69 0
What?
Len_Kagamine 8
258- I don't know.. o_O
jzbajus 8
Whoa... Legit two minutes ago I was reading a book and it mentioned this email about getting drunk that way! So it actually possible????
oceanbeauty 17
Yes. And it's very dangerous. Not to mention stupid.
ALpein 0
What were you even reading?!
BrouKiersR 3
U wanna die??? Thn be my guest!
jzbajus 8
Oceanbeauty- thanks for the heads up! :) and I was reading "The Probabilty of Miracles" by Wendy Wunder
dellis44 7
what's up with all the anal FMLs lately???
Doortje 30
Didn't you know? August is Anal Month. There's a different theme for each month on FML.
Shrike 24
Can someone tell me what the **** 17's talking about? I just searched and there's only a couple from the last two months talking about anal or assholes. Where do you get this stuff?
ManInTheMachine 20
Shrike: Maybe they have a secret anal fetish, and their inner alarm goes off when an FML that involves anal is posted. Or maybe they've been watching too much ****.
Shrike 24
Makes sense. 10/10, great question answering service, would eat you out again.
dcgriffith_fml 8
believe it or not I actually have friends that have done this (more as a dare than anything else). They do it at school so they can literally get drunk in class without having their breath smell like alcohol. Idiotic ingenuity at its best.
destroyer69 0
U hang out with some shitty ass people. Pun intended.
graffitied_love 20
Its always something new parents worry about their children doing that most kids have never heard of
bsmith9942 11
You're right. Most people don't know about it until they read it on a site like this one.
Ethan223 8
Your mom needs to know more about the Internet.
awebb21 7
Why do they put it in the news, the more people no about it the more that will try it.
destroyer69 0
Because they put the deaths on the news so it scare the shit out of anyone about to try it. Pun intended.
WiseGuy79 14
Must be one helluva hangover lol
ceccles628 6
It's a pain in the ass.