Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML
Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
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Top comments
spazmattic 0
When wife gives you lemons...
Gallaghers 0
She deserved it, if they just had a argument, he's obviously going to still sore about something, maybe because he has a lazy wife who demands that he cut her vegetables for her eyes (which I'm pretty sure don't do anything). Shes not worrying about how stressed or how he is after the fight, stuck up bitch
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Comments (268)
teresa96706 29
he probably did that because he: is colorblind, didn't know what was the difference, didn't know lemons do that. or you're being bossy and deserved it. who tells someone "k, now put cucumbers on my eyes so I can relax now."?
SteelCladAngel 0
Even being color blind you'd be able to tell the difference between lemon, a smallish rough skinned fruit in a vague football shape and cucumber an elongated smooth skinned fruit with some bumps and it's vaguely phallic shaped even someone who was fully blind would be able to tell the difference
markusse 0
That's what you get for not staying in the kitchen and cutting your own damn cucumber! How would you know the difference from a powerdrill and a powersaw for instance? He would be mad if you picked the wrong tool.
nananabatmannnn 0
And you can't slice your own food because....?
aback 5
She hasn't even learned to use forks, yet. You expect her to use a knife?
itsalwaysYDI 0
Did he do it on purpose or is he just that dumb?
niralz16 0
honestly YDI for thinking he still wouldn't be mad at you. i'v known from experience that unless he somehow actually gets you back, he never will be officially "over" an argument.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Sounds like you've picked some winners. =
bluegoldfish 7
time for round 2: lemon juice in his contacts, chilli powder in his boxers, sharpie moustache before his alarm goes off, ex-lax brownies...
RainbowHeadache 2
Why do I get the feeling that you demanded he cut you cucumbers rather than asked? If he asked you to make him a sammich & get him a beer after your fight because he wanted to relax you probably would've told him no. Prima donna.
randomreader2315 4
My thoughts exactly! OP is a lazy bitch. You don't ask someone to do favors when you piss them off.
fancymega 7
why would u ask for help from someone who's mad at u?
iwabo 9
are you really THAT lazy that you can't cut something for yourself?? You should of been trying to help HIM relax.
jcrob 0
cut your own cucumber... probably were arguing over how lazy u are!!