Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML
Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
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Top comments
spazmattic 0
When wife gives you lemons...
Gallaghers 0
She deserved it, if they just had a argument, he's obviously going to still sore about something, maybe because he has a lazy wife who demands that he cut her vegetables for her eyes (which I'm pretty sure don't do anything). Shes not worrying about how stressed or how he is after the fight, stuck up bitch
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Comments (268)
amrik 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
pepper spray his toilet paper :)
HugoBosss_fml 0
Puy cayenne peper in his hand lotion ;)
Crystalosophy 0
Passive aggressive?
Xxak907xX 0
win, #1
jvillan87 5
Obviously he wasn't over that Lil argument. Still sucks though. FYL for having a passive aggressive ass of a husband.
jvillan87 5
Obviously he wasn't over that Lil argument. Still sucks though. FYL for having a passive aggressive ass of a husband.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
I agree he could of cut jalapeño chillies and given them to you, id count my self lucky.
Gallaghers 0
She deserved it, if they just had a argument, he's obviously going to still sore about something, maybe because he has a lazy wife who demands that he cut her vegetables for her eyes (which I'm pretty sure don't do anything). Shes not worrying about how stressed or how he is after the fight, stuck up bitch
dre_bro11 12
OP, this is what you do, next time he demands a hand job, instead of lube, use deep-heat. That'll teach him.
Tool_PanterA 0
who demands a handjob from their wife?
FarSide 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI for starting an argument with your husband. Trolling.... trolling..... Trolling....
pertained 12
Lmao, when life gives you lemons..
noboundary 9
You make EYES cold lemonade.
minecraft_fml 4
143 happy tree friends reference! and how do cucumbers on your eyes relax you? I just relax without needing something to do it for me.
igpyitl 0
I'm srry OP but u can't fight with your husband and then ask him to do stuff for u..
ahole123 0
You just had an argument, what did you expect?
ballwiz24 0
Well she said they had gotten over a fight. So she prolly though he was all good. A fair assumption. And not that it matters really, but I think a cucumber is technically a fruit.
criminalmind 10
I tried pepper spray on the toilet paper once... I mean lol What?
Newboyz00185 0
Crushed up viagra in his coffee before a meeting at work!
greekdk15 0
love it
SuperAnthony 7
Now That's What I Call A Lemonparty!
StrayXL 0
Make combustible lemons and burn the house down?
JustDance96 0
I just love your profile picture. Hilarious! :)
dorux1897 0
231 LOL I LOVE Cave Johnson!!!
hubublub123 0
that's great
babybear27 0
Haha that's a good one.
TehButterz 8
Just because they disagree doesn't mean she deserves to have lemons in her eyes!
LemonBlue 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
cut him.
Awahso 25
^ unrelated , but 56 you have a beautiful dog
DesB 7
Aw lemonblue idk why so many people gave you a thumbs down... I loved your comment :/ if my husband did that to me I know I would stab him lol but then again I'll stab anybody for almost anything lol
Grimmerie 31
152, is your name luigi largo?
gameboybooa 0
I love your dog
Xmarshall16X 5
Lol 60 thumbs down!? lol i thought your comment was funny haha
1221jamw 11
152-Are you a serial killer?
cldean24 4
Yeah I agree, where do all these people find their humor? This comment is funny, you twits.
We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee 0
You can't blame a man for trying!
awesomeooo3 0
I don't get why OP had to make him cut the cucumber for her, and why she couldn't have just done it herself. And then she even made him place it on her eyes whilst she lay there as well? I wonder if the argument was anything to do with her giving him demands all the time?
KaanTech 0
#18 exactly !
alaskasfml 0
18- exactly! it makes me wonder whos really at fault here! i'm thinking it's her fault..
aardvarkish 17
I'm inclined to agree with 22. She probably intended to make him earn his next piece of ass. Oh well, nice try...
chrisauh 4
LOL 22 got alot of thumbs down from emotional women who can't handle the truth.
bobateme 0
LOL 22 actually got thumbs down because he is an insensitive asshole who generalizes about women without providing a rational argument.
writergirl23 19
And yet 235 if it was a male that person was talking about, not a female, it probably would not have got thumbed down. I'm a woman, and even I recognize that sexism goes both ways. Bring on the thumbs down, do I look like I give a rat's arse?
Pokeemon 3
hahaha yum
fluffyrocka 0
When life gives you lemons you shove them up his ass
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
haha nice 71
iLazy 0
How sour was your relationship with him?
SchiTzenGiglez 0
lawlawlawlawl
dav3800 7
like an extra sour warhead... I'm saying this out of experience with those... Don't shove 5 in your mouth if it's your first time tasting it...
zoecw 14
That's what she said.
360XBOXFTW 0
just an overall classy guy
sarapsosis 1
yup his wife is being a sour puss
BamBarBiYaKergud 2
ouch
Noob30 0
It could have been worse. Atleast they weren't combustable lemons...
HugoBosss_fml 0
Put cayenne pepper in his hand lotion ;)
loveatsylac 9
"Hand lotion"
spazmattic 0
When wife gives you lemons...
chosenen 6
lol
WYITO 0
Just say, "**** the lemons" and bail. :)
ironwords 8
"When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
ironwords 8
"When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
kewlstoribro 6
@#163 - You forgot the " at the end of the paragraph. :D
alaskasfml 0
when life gives you lemons, find someone whose life gave them vodka.
mexicotoucher 7
now he will have no sex for life.
iLazy 0
Prostitutes exist for a reason
Randuhh_17 4
so does HIV
dboy006778 0
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Yousuck24 21
He also has hands for a reason...
turbosupra 0
lemons are better than habaneros. LOL