Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML
Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
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Top comments
spazmattic 0
When wife gives you lemons...
Gallaghers 0
She deserved it, if they just had a argument, he's obviously going to still sore about something, maybe because he has a lazy wife who demands that he cut her vegetables for her eyes (which I'm pretty sure don't do anything). Shes not worrying about how stressed or how he is after the fight, stuck up bitch
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Comments (268)
Michigan_Girl 0
I'm sure they weren't on long enough to do any damage...plus that's where the saying, "if you want something done right, do it yourself" comes into play.
raechelle90 0
Is he dumb or just evil
SmexiLexii 3
I can tell that you crazy kids will last forever!
kazst 2
Aw I love that movie!
misstamz 0
Why couldn't you cut them yourself? it's not that hard
zrzr1988 0
well be glad he didn't set his balls on your eyes.
samicna 4
that's just evil! sorry he sounds really childish!
taradeborde87 3
And she just sounds like a lazy cow. Seriously, she just sat there and made him not only prepare the cucumbers for her, but also place them on her eyes?! What a lazy bitch. She really deserves it. Next time get off your ass and do things for yourself.
TheMonica 0
What, did you marry an 8 year old? I wouldn't expect someone who is old enough to be married to do something so immature and potentially dangerous.
fthku 13
I wouldn't expect an adult woman to ask her husband to cut up two pieces of cucumber, which takes no more than a second, and then ask said husband to place it on her eyes. Also, I'm sure not every woman who puts cucumbers on her eyes is a spoiled primadonna, but in the case of the FML it sure sounds like it. On the other hand, even she is a spoiled primadonna that's impossible to live with, I suppose it's pretty immature to do that.
badgirl90987 9
^win
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I just want to say I am most certainly not a spoiled primadonna and I put cold cucumber slices on my eyes because the I like the feeling. That having been said though I would never ask my guy to cut me slices of cucumber and place them on my eyes. Well, maybe if I was dying and unable to cut them myself I would, but otherwise no. I especially wouldn't be dumb enough to do that right after a fight. That's just stupid. The OP should have cut the cucumbers herself.
fthku 13
#166, "Also, I'm sure not every woman who puts cucumbers on her eyes is a spoiled primadonna" As I stated above, I didn't say every woman who does that is a spoiled primadonna. I know my cousin does it (or used to), and she is definately not spoiled. I called OP that (although I can't be sure), simply because of what she told us in the FML.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Sorry, misread the sentence, I will admit that. It's just been one of those days.
fthku 13
No harm done. =)
FriscoKidz 10
He sounds like a keeper!
alaskasfml 0
on the bright side, lemon juice is supposed to get rid of freckles if you have any
btnhdude 0
When life gives you lemons, you paint that shit gold. - Atmosphere