Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I made eye contact with a very cute girl in a café just as I biting into a croissant. It crumbled so violently that a piece flew up into my eye. She just stared at each me in disbelief as I yelped and rubbed my eyeball clean. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
gntfmlingnow 12
See if she can use her ninja tongue in more interesting ways. If you know what I mean.
DKjazz 20
Marry her. Do it now, before I whisk her away.
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Comments (175)
gntfmlingnow 12
See if she can use her ninja tongue in more interesting ways. If you know what I mean.
kittenvks 11
For example, doing the bouncy tic tac thing you see in commercials!!
tellithowitis 13
It could have been worse... This fml gave me a mental image I will not forget. Thank you ops girlfriend.
weesnaw_08 7
LOLOLOL. Yeah put that talent to good use.
Cad6 24
The girl's mom might be part cow. The apple doesn't fall far from the apple tree.
cali4eva 12
It's not apple tree it's just tree
Cad6 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#23 - OP's* Grammar Nazi time let's go.
tellithowitis 13
#80- It's Grammar Nazi time, let's go. If you're going to correct me, at least make sure your sentence is correct...
Zimmington 21
Lmfao she's a keeper! Not being sarcastic at all, that chick is hilarious!!
pepkate 8
That made my day. LOL!
OAAS 0
@92: You didn't put quotation marks around "Grammar Nazi, let's go," so your correction is grammatically incorrect as well.
tellithowitis 13
#139- You forgot """"""time""""""" so your correction on my correction in is indeed grammatically incorrect as well. Are those quotations okay?
XtraEzeee 8
143- thats too many quotation marks. so your correction of his correction of your correction of his correction is in fact, incorrect. (Yes I made a mistake just to keep this going.)
XtraEzeee 8
143- thats too many quotation marks. so your correction of 139's correction of your correction of his correction is in fact, incorrect. (Yes I made a mistake just to keep this going.)
supersitter 11
Actually 149, you made several. I'm assuming not all of them were on purpose, so bravo.
palahniukpaul 6
Giggity
gamercanadian 11
Quagmire- how old are you? Girl- 16? Quagmire 18. Your first. Girl- mom. Quagmire- ooh I like where this is going. Giggity.
jizzwold 21
I've never really understood that joke because the age of consent in rhode island is sixteen.
BarDownDaily 12
81- Ya, but you can't do it with someone 18 or older.
xXCherrryBombXx 6
you sir, are extremely unattractive
Pebbles89 9
Hahaha! I need to try that one day! Next time, give her a puppy kiss!
AlaskanEskimo34 0
I like how we name kissing techniques after animals. Butterfly kisses, puppy kisses, cow kisses...
Wheredidgrungego 12
French kisses :P
ScaughtieHolden 11
Ah yes, the elusive, wild "French"
Llama_Face89 34
I can see that. The French can be animals, particularly French Canadians.
iamyummylicious 14
Those damn French Canadians wrecked my garden this morning. They dug up my bulbs!
ClassyCommando 13
Bâtards...tabarnak!
msairhead 8
The awkward moment when you're a French Canadian........
Zimmington 21
26- What about Eskimo kisses??
Pebbles89 9
Someone needs to invent one that is super disgusting and name it after something adorable. Lol. Confusion is the best!
call4agoodtime 3
You animal!
sparkrok 8
75 - so true, so true...
corydac123 6
I was the 69 th like
iamyummylicious 14
@99 - Eskimos are walruses in costume.
kimmykimkiwi 3
That awkward moment when you girlfriend gives you a cow lick...
Zimmington 21
*your
elephantom12 9
Anyone else sick and tired of people saying "that awkward moment when..."
KiddNYC1O 22
So far, 47 people say no.
supimnyancat 9
You should've licked her eyeball back.
DrJesse 10
As payback,next time you're having sex "doggy style" yell "PRISON SEX!" and stick it in her ass.
sparkrok 8
that brings back memories...
deviable 9
An eye for an eye?
Mekeritrig 15
C'mon, that's awesome.
ladyLALAA 29
Only if teeth were brushed!
cajekraze 7
I totally agree. When leaning for a kiss, I have meowed, followed by a solid lick. It plays out really cute if done right
ofdoom 4
is it weird that I had a similar experience earlier this evening?
DKjazz 20
That depends on exactly how similar your experience was. Did it involve the phrase "cow kisses"? Did your eyeball get licked?
slushpup9696 12
She sounds fun.
DKjazz 20
Marry her. Do it now, before I whisk her away.
DrNuggetcase 3
I agree. The day a girl gives me a cow kiss is the day I ask her to be my wife.
Rocky007 15
Did you get the milk for free?