Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
Today, being Valentine's Day, I went all out for my wife with flowers, a candlelit dinner, and tickets to a broadway show. The flowers arrived dead, the dinner sucked, and my wife hated the show. Afterwards, I tried to be intimate, but apparently I smelled like a shart trapped in a pant leg. FML
Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with rose petals on the bed. Romantic, right? Turns out, the roses I'd bought had been sprayed with some sort of red dye. The petals stained the sheets, my hands, and our white-furred cat, who now looks like a tiny crime scene victim. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML
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Top comments
Residence_fml 4
Well that kinda sucks, but be happy he tried to do something. It's apperantly an unspoken rule for women to be happy with what their husbands give them, with the right thought behind it of course, even though it kinda fails. My boyfriend always tries to cook me delicious diner but ends up throwing a main ingredient in I really don't like. I still love the fact he went through all the trouble trying to please me.
nebula748 14
Those darn pricks.
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Comments (137)
Residence_fml 4
Well that kinda sucks, but be happy he tried to do something. It's apperantly an unspoken rule for women to be happy with what their husbands give them, with the right thought behind it of course, even though it kinda fails. My boyfriend always tries to cook me delicious diner but ends up throwing a main ingredient in I really don't like. I still love the fact he went through all the trouble trying to please me.
mz_booty 0
wow you write really long commments!! ekkk!!!
Mimiroxxi 0
lmao Ikr gee
Residence_fml 4
At least it kept you off the streets for 20 sec you spend at it :p
XxJaydaxX 3
of course the ones that look like dumb hoes would say something about someone writing a long comment. at least they took the time to write something worth reading.
allmidnighteyes 11
I love how the brains of some FMLers go into OHSHITWHATISTHISKDHBFJDSBGFHS mode when they see a comment comprised of more than four words. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the result of four billion years of evolutionary "success". And I use success loosely.
jess2gd4u 0
creation
mz_booty 0
I may look like a "dumb hoe" but thank god I don't look like you!! yuck!!
jess2gd4u 0
they just jealous hunny
insanesna1l 0
19 - yeah i hate a woman who looks like a gardening tool as well. i prefer mine looking like a coke bottle
mz_booty 0
thanks jess, no need to hate guys!!
sourgirl101 29
Now now people. Calm down! There's no fighting allowed on my FML!(:
VorpikeII 17
just chill guys you both look pretty good, so there's no need to fight. oh yeah. I lost the game.
gooBUZZ 0
F you #40! D:
Thanatos1206 0
Too bad they declared the game dead you morons.
hannah1203 2
Did anyone else see the pen name of OP? WIN
A7X_LoVeee 10
19 - lololololol! win.
rallets 23
pfft ive seen longer comments..one dude writes entire essays that take up the entire page, no joke O_O
hawkhez01 13
I agree, she wrote a long comment but just because you commented about it doesn't make you a dumb hoe, don't listen to the jackasses.
varkey 7
er, that's a bit worse than not liking a meal... those thorns can really cause injury FYL, that must have hurt....
sunshine233 0
19- stop being jealous that your fat and ugly and she is hot
EliseAqua 0
I agree, at least he was trying to be sweet :). Sucks that you got thrown into a bed of thorns though. Sounds painful. FYL.
alsnyder12 0
rookie mistake
xMegan96 0
yeah Thats true. :)
xMegan96 0
don't be a bitch and complain about people writing long comments. why, to stupid to read it?
xMegan96 0
at least her heart prettier than yours bitch!
nalia18 8
Is it wrong for me to laugh an amused laugh?? just making sure...
psycho9631 1
dude that's a awesome picture I instantly got it lol
nebula748 14
Those darn pricks.
rebekahah 7
lol every rose has its thorns...
kingtz 6
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.
chrisx020296 0
stfu or I'll stick my D in ur bumm!
iDoubtWhales 7
Is she really sure he forgot? haha
elliedanceteam 0
aha ^ im sure he forgot if he was trying to be romantic
ColorfulDonut 7
^ awesome doggeh
MIAMIDJ 0
not all they have some without thorns
rushiee 0
hahaha #2!(: uhm did they leave a mark? or two? lol
ttyler333 7
ur pretty hot... couldn't resist telling you something you already know. anyway. stay pretty xD
max_wilder 9
what a prick
Turner_22 0
3, do you really even have to ask that question?
chlorinegreen 27
It's a sweet thought and a awesome "tell all of your friends at the bar about your scars" story!
man_in_black08 28
happy birthday!
chlorinegreen 27
happy birthday? lol
BAMF18 0
fail, albeit a moderately good one. * scarred story. I'm not trolling you. i appreciate the scarred comment. con grad you lations.
BuhxritNAYY 5
haha I agree, that's a good point! it's more of an "awww" story not a "wow what a dick boyfriend" story. it was only an accident. unless he looked like he did it on purpose but anyone who goes through the trouble probably wouldn't do it on purpose. roses ate expensive
docscientist 10
What is love if not binding and written in pain and blood?
Grand_Cookie 21
at least he tried.
CoonAndFriends 0
The real question is: are the roses okay?
shanbang 0
it's the thought that counts
mz_booty 0
well if your neighbours have trimmed rose bushes u know where he got them from, good job for trying but he should have stuck to just the petals lol
Crystiella 0
Don't you just sound unappreciative.
Andrewlostnow 3
it's the first for many more to come!
Riemurasia 0
*facepalm*
sweetdreams999 0
omg LMAO! finally a REAL fml.