Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML
Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
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Top comments
spazmattic 0
When wife gives you lemons...
Gallaghers 0
She deserved it, if they just had a argument, he's obviously going to still sore about something, maybe because he has a lazy wife who demands that he cut her vegetables for her eyes (which I'm pretty sure don't do anything). Shes not worrying about how stressed or how he is after the fight, stuck up bitch
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Comments (268)
CEG3 0
Here are 2 choices on to get him back: either write "I love crystal meth" on all his shorts or paint a big red scar on his forehead
WompWompWomp123 7
That movie makes me smile.
CEG3 0
shirts.
IDKKK69 0
I'm watching that movie right now!!
iamtwiggyme 0
Now I want to watch it!!!
cldean24 4
I want to know what movie everyone is talking about.
NaoPudding 8
I take it that HE wasn't over the argument.
Tool_PanterA 0
really? what gave it away?
NaoPudding 8
I'm stating the obvious, because it doesn't seem to be so obvious to the OP since she claims they were both over the argument.
Igor_g5 0
That's what I was thinking.
cheeturtle 0
YDI. You should have seen it coming.
TheMonica 0
When I have an argument with a fellow adult, I don't expect them to do something so childish and potentionally dangerous...
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
IK. Cut your own damn cucumbers!
Coconutscyclone 0
What's wrong with that? You can use lemons for that, it's just a bit wet.
mexicotoucher 7
Yeah, I don't get it either.
withgoldeneyes 5
well it would sting
simply_improper 1
@19... squeeze some lemon in your eyes an see why
Danij101 0
citrus burns in your eyes stupid!
MRobvious750 0
Her eyes were closed #38 so she rubbed it all over her open eye OP is just being whiny.
KickItHigh 32
Someone's a sour puss... Ah, I quit. But seriously, your husband's a genius.
hansbaby 0
does it hurt ewn tho your eyes are closed?
pinkspaceboundro 0
ding ding! round 2 is probably what took place next. you probably thought he did it on purpose and he probably just wasent paying attention and used lemons instead.
penisface69 17
you're an idiot.
pinkspaceboundro 0
whatever
misstamz 0
How do you confuse a cucumber with a lemon?
pinkspaceboundro 0
lol, he probably knew it was some kind of produce he had to cut up and place it on her eyes. ...... which brings up another question??? who gets in a fight with someone and then tells them to cut up cucumber and put it on their eyes???
iamtwiggyme 0
... and it only takes like two minutes, if that.
nommnom_fml 0
yea you're probly right. I often get my lemons and cucumbers mixed up. Seeing as there so similar on shape, texture, colour an what not
hockeyrocks39 0
Yeah because it's so easy to confuse a lemon and cucumber... you know same shape, color, texture, and size. I do it all the damn time. I really make some f¥cked up lemonade and we won't even discuss my poor salads.
darkmis1 18
I love your kitty!!!
egamage 0
Would've been a FML if he stabbed you in the eyes with the knife.
batgirl_babygirl 0
soooo ....what's the "fml" here? it's...LEMONS...not like he put dog poop on your eyes or something...get over it..sheesh....should have done it yourself...lazy ass...if you can't tell the difference between the two just by their SMELL alone (assuming your nose works since your eyes were closed) then you're a dumb ass
armorf0r 7
because if lemon juice gets in your eye it BURNS LIKE HELL.
ladolcemostro 0
Not the the worst feeling compared to tequila that burns like hell.
topaz554 6
thata rude.
zombiekitten87 12
either your husband is extraordinarily stupid, or he hates you. Not only did you make him cut them, you made him place them on your friggen eyes??? Next time don't be such a lazy cow and do it yourself.
Zombieslayer1 0
I love you!!!!
rhyleigh 1
sing it!!
Vita_1 30
Lol that still makes her a lazy cow. How hard is it to slice two pieces of cucumber?