Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Today, I decided to take a nap in the park. I found a nice shady spot and closed my eyes. When I woke up, I realized I had fallen asleep on an ant hill. My entire body was riddled with ants. FML
Today, while squishing a stink bug, it sprayed directly in my eye. FML
Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML
Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and ate some chips that were on my nightstand, totally unaware that they were covered in ants. Now I have two swollen lips and my kid’s birthday party is tomorrow. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Reyo 2
What is the reasoning behind putting sliced veggies on your face to relax? Will sticking a carrot up my ass achieve the same effect?
paprikacha 9
It's supposed to reduce puffiness/dark circles under the eyes. I've never done it myself, so I have no idea how well it really works when you just use actual cucumber slices instead of the cosmetic cucumber pads they sell. Just saying there's a legitimate reason behind it and OP isn't just crazy. : )
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (64)
isantorin 0
Slightly YDI- if your house has ants, why would you leave food on your person and fall asleep?! It does suck though, especially if you didn't know about the ants.
PeopleRSoDumb 0
Props for having an original FML.
CMCAK 0
Oh I agree! I really laughed at this one! :)
Reyo 2
What is the reasoning behind putting sliced veggies on your face to relax? Will sticking a carrot up my ass achieve the same effect?
JulzKay 0
Maybe?
paprikacha 9
It's supposed to reduce puffiness/dark circles under the eyes. I've never done it myself, so I have no idea how well it really works when you just use actual cucumber slices instead of the cosmetic cucumber pads they sell. Just saying there's a legitimate reason behind it and OP isn't just crazy. : )
lovingamylea 0
@Reyo... well, if you're into that kind of thing ;)
lovingamylea 0
Agree with pendatic. Baby carrots won't do it. Actually, I'd recommend papayas for that real "kick" ;)
TwistedShadow 7
It won't make you relax, actually I'm pretty sure you'd walk stiffly for a day or too... unless you just got out of prison... if you catch my drift...
cronagorgon 11
Possibly maybe you should try
wazdog 4
Were you sleeping in the backyard?
nofyourlife 0
it's january and you live in massachusetts, most of which is currently covered in snow. what ants? fake.
mura_fml 0
Just because all fmls start with "today" doesn't mean this really happened today, or where the OP lives for that matter.
wellinever 5
Damn those cucumber eating ice ants of Massachusetts! Can ruin your whole day.
LadyKaya 0
you made me laugh more than the fml, thank you.
Azn_Invasion 0
did you pitch a tent?
dangletsbang21 0
haha, reyo is hilarious :)
NotVeryOriginal 0
...lame attempt at humor
kbaker90 0
I'm sorry, that's terrible, but the way it's worded made me laugh.
EveryDayJackAss 0
ROFL, Reyo is awesome
elishaax 0
Eww :L