Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML
Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
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Top comments
spazmattic 0
When wife gives you lemons...
Gallaghers 0
She deserved it, if they just had a argument, he's obviously going to still sore about something, maybe because he has a lazy wife who demands that he cut her vegetables for her eyes (which I'm pretty sure don't do anything). Shes not worrying about how stressed or how he is after the fight, stuck up bitch
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Comments (268)
theonlysweetpea 10
I'm 99.8% positive he did that on purpose. I'm 199.9% positive she deserved it! I'll be damned if someone asked (demanded) I do something for them after a big (or little) argument! Especially something their lazy asses could do for themselves! She's luck she's not married to me, she'd be thankful if I used LEMONS on her CLOSED eyes! Just proves it takes a woman... smh
bigantennaemay 3
ydi, for being a dumbass. who the hell puts fruit on their face? that's just stupid and pointless.
dakorok 6
Basically this. Also, why the heck would you ask someone who YOU JUST PISSED OFF to do something like that for you? Do it yourself next time.
stallion2521 0
haha! that is one of the funniest things I've heard
theybebitchin 4
wtd your husband isnt your spa bitch, after a big argument, you expect him to cut up some nice cucumbers for your eyes while you lie down so he can put them on your eyes? Stuck up bitch!
ChibiGirl5 0
why didn't you just cut the cucumbers
XxGuard 0
you're a big girl, cut them yourself. I could easily do that, but not all guys can. Way to go.
khaya 9
He was telling you he wanted a divorce and wanted to see sadness in your face.
kl_beans 0
I love eating lemons...
lekiat 0
next time he asks for a BJ, use teeth
KattAlex 4
What the hell is your problem! You never bite a man's penis no matter what he does to you! That is just cruel and unusual punishment.
amh721 0
Should have done it yourself, lazy.