ltwlty
Beijing, China
Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Dragoness11
Northampton, United Kingdom
Shy bowels
Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML
Anonymous
Not now!
Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
pleasestop
Australia
Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML
op-poopy
Canada
Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML
Anon
Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML
Numbass123
Las Vegas, United States
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
walnutbladder
United States
Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML
Anonymous
*Friends theme music plays*
Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML
missbutthole
United States
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Top comments
LyricaSilvan 30
Gotta love those conditioned responses. You get so used to things being a certain way, that you can't function normally without those factors. I'm the same way with my sleep; I HAVE to have a fan on, because I've gotten used to the sound of it. If I don't, I don't sleep, or at least not well.
mermaidkeels 26
Dinner at Taco Bell should fix that!
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Comments (28)
LyricaSilvan 30
Gotta love those conditioned responses. You get so used to things being a certain way, that you can't function normally without those factors. I'm the same way with my sleep; I HAVE to have a fan on, because I've gotten used to the sound of it. If I don't, I don't sleep, or at least not well.
emh86 14
I am similar to you. I have to have some form of white noise.
egnur_mas 19
My sister was the same when she was young, she would have the fan on even in winter, and get colds from it just for the noise.
lukian_fml 29
Most people point them at a wall to prevent this. But you can get white noise devices these days, no/little air movement!
jessmonkey 15
That's why I never liked those dyson "noiseless" fans. What's the damn point lol
mermaidkeels 26
Dinner at Taco Bell should fix that!
jbuckets_404 39
#3: Why? Does Taco Bell have loud fans in their bathrooms?
sonasonic 34
Unfortunately, Taco Bell isn't available in China. They're gonna need to find another laxative.
Devolution 8
I listen to a specific song whenever I'm doing my daily paperwork. Once you get into odd habits, it's hard to break them.
Midnitethud 3
If you're that hell bent on basking in your own glory, you could always record the sound of the fan and play it through your iPod.
el_Jeffe_D 11
Just be careful the shit doesn't hit the fan
Lalala579121 28
Instructions unclear, shit stuck in ceiling fan.
hkhan24 23
Record the sound on your phone and play it every time you want to poop. Also there's probably a YouTube clip out there that continuously plays the sound of a bathroom fan.
species4872 20
So your a big fan?
tyrianLftw 6
this does not seem worthy of an fml. maybe mlia?
nodai 13
I'm just the opposite, it bothers the hell out of me AND I poop after showering a good 70% of the time, making me have to reshower... Needless to say, I feel your pain.
egnur_mas 19
And then when you reshower does it make you want to poop again?
jbuckets_404 39
OP, buy one of those personal battery-operated hand fans - if you don't want to drop your phone (while it plays audio of the original ceiling exhaust fan) anywhere CLOSE to a toilet?