Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML
Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
spazmattic 0
When wife gives you lemons...
Gallaghers 0
She deserved it, if they just had a argument, he's obviously going to still sore about something, maybe because he has a lazy wife who demands that he cut her vegetables for her eyes (which I'm pretty sure don't do anything). Shes not worrying about how stressed or how he is after the fight, stuck up bitch
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (268)
RebeccaP2010 0
what a dick...
milanowjoseph 2
Good.
iLOL10 0
u had to see it coming
zebrapattern 6
you made him cut them for you AND place them on your eyes? wow.
robc32ca 4
you were over it. he wasn't
Selena_is_back 7
Sweet, sweet revenge. Or shall I say sour?
HumanWiki 8
Were they combustible lemons?
Lac2501 2
Burn!
Cenobyte 10
YDI In future cut your own damn cucumbers.
omgstoparguing 10
If you don't do things for each other in your relationship, that's probably why you're not in one!
Cenobyte 10
Just because I don't lie around like some stupid, shallow, little diva, expecting my boyfriend to fetch slices of cucumber for my eyes (OMG How ******* lame are you? LMAO), you assume I am not in a relationship? Not that its any of your business anyway.
KattAlex 4
Ok, yes it is good to do things for each other in a relationship. Especially, if you are living together but what the OP did was an act of narcissim which is not a good thing in most cases. If it was more of a request like "Honey, could you set the table while I finish cooking dinner?" instead of "Cut up some cucumbers for my eyes so I can relax." it would be more understandable.
dadof2 4
just member the lemons next timenu have sex either on the hands or just eatin either way payback kinda hurts