Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the grocery store for three items. I left with two full bags and forgot the one thing I actually needed. I didn’t realize until I got home, unpacked everything, and stared at the empty counter in disbelief. Next on my list: start making lists. FML
Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML
Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store, but once I'd filled my cart, I realized that I'd forgotten my wallet, and because I'm not the sort of animal who just dumps stuff in random aisles, I had to awkwardly put all my items back on their shelves. FML
Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML
Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML
Today, in an effort to be more healthy, I bought a pack of protein bars as a substitute for snacks. I ate all 5 of them in one sitting. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the supermarket cashier by saying, “Guess I’m buying enough food for two!” She smiled politely and said, “That’s nice. Will your wife help you carry it?” I said, “What wife?” only to realize I’d just exposed myself as a lonely man buying family-sized frozen lasagna. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket for three things and repeated them to myself the whole way there. I came home with everything except those three things. I did remember to buy a cake I hadn't planned on getting. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML
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Top comments
doink 0
It could have been worse. You could have bought $30 of cat food and a Snickers bar.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Mr. Snuggle Mittens would like to have a word with you regarding your TPS reports...
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Comments (74)
doink 0
It could have been worse. You could have bought $30 of cat food and a Snickers bar.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
It could have been even worse than that. She could have bought $30 worth of Snickers, some cat food, and a douche kit.
kkleiberg 0
It could have been even worse than that. She could have bought $30 worth of Snickers, some cat food, a douche kit, a bottle of Mad-Dog 20/20 and a lot of Vaseline.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
it could have been even worse than the previous replies. She could have bought $30 worth of Snickers, some cat food, a douche kit, a bottle of Mad-Dog 20/20, a lot of Vaseline, and drain cleaner for unclogging her pipes (if you know what I mean).
CallMeHush 1
You left out the big honkin' cucumber and a butternut squash.
KingDingALing 9
hahahahahahahhahaha oh god all of u r way to funny
DwayneHoover 0
Wait, but what in the world does a protein bar have anything to do with being a crazy cat lady?
PottentialFML 0
Too bad she isn't a guy cause she gets a lot of pussy
FMLtimes316 0
hahaha funny shiitt!!
michael32123 0
#57 epic win
cynicalsatireman 12
C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
nadsm 0
this is very true. at least you're not THAT single cat woman?
spoo 24
Also keep in mind, if you make lots of trips to the store. this doesnt count. I often go buy litter/food for my cats. When I pour the last bit from the bag, i often go the 1 block and buy a new one right away. I also make 5-10 visits a week...
lickmyjock 0
I hope you actually work those protein bars off, those things will make you faaaaat if you don't exercise.
thinmint 0
they won't make you fat if you buy the right ones that have very low sugar...der
Jimboom 12
So what? Your the one that made yourself into That woman. If you don't like it then take charge of your life and make a change! Oh and don't talk to your cats like they are people... it may freak out any potential suitors you may get.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Mr. Snuggle Mittens would like to have a word with you regarding your TPS reports...
Secret_Fire_King 0
Oh no, OP.. I used to work as a cashier.. I've had people come in and do that, but one of those women looked like a witch.. No kidding.. She had blonde hair and eye-liner.. She came in with her mum/ grandma sometimes.. Very creepy..
relyo 0
Well, on the bright side, at least it wasn't $30 worth of Häggen Däss. Also, I'd be more than happy to remedy the whole "single" issue.
relyo 0
Also, before I get flamed for poor spelling it it's actually Häagen-Dazs.
MadeOfAwesome 1
You could've saved yourself the trouble and wrote ice cream. Or Ben and Jerry's, which is much better anyway.
bjcarson 0
Why do you care so much about spelling?
bjcarson 0
...
pwincessa23 1
What is that? or a mad dog 20/20?
Ultimate_Cynic 0
Mad Dog 20/20 is wine. Well, sort of. It's technically wine, but it comes in all variety of horrid citrus flavours. It's dirty, dirty, nasty liquor, but ye GODS does it ever get you drunk.
ilysweetcupcake 1
I agree with number eight
nadsm 0
relyo- looks like you got flamed anyway. no good.
Cartain 0
Yes, I was just going to ask if you had become THAT single woman. Well, actually I wasn't.
happypapp12 0
Are you my stalker