Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML
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Top comments
quickit 24
YDI. Didn't those two years mean anything to you? I would rather have an awkward conversation than lose the girl I love.
Klima_fml 29
.. You tried to shower with your cat? Smart.
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Comments (117)
quickit 24
YDI. Didn't those two years mean anything to you? I would rather have an awkward conversation than lose the girl I love.
jake_braves 25
I agree...that's pretty poor. If you let it end like that next time don't waste two years of a girl's life. That's pretty weak. You just lost your manhood. You lost your girl over a pussy...cat. Wow. You should grow some balls and go back and explain it.
Clarence Gilbert 7
taking a shower with a cat doesnt sound believable. so hes screwed either way
MisterGone 1
AGREED!
doodlecloud 27
He didn't even have to say he brought the cat in with him, just tell her it jumped in itself and freaked out! It's just... mind boggling how anyone could lose a partner over this. The stupidity levels are high here...
Rawr6591 21
didn't have to mention the shower at all actually just said the cat did it
cjwayy 22
Amen #1!
Crossing 17
Do you honestly think she would believe him if he told her he tried to take a shower with a cat. I know I wouldn't, unless she already knows he is an idiot.
incoherentrmblr 22
Cat Scratch Fever...
Toolishing 22
That's what I was thinking #88.
VeganVampyre 27
She is an idiot too... You can obviously tell the difference between cat and human scratches because cats' claws are much thinner and sharper than human nails and they make very different looking marks. If she can't tell that, or if it didn't at least occur to her to ask, especially knowing that he has a cat... Then there's a problem.
Klima_fml 29
.. You tried to shower with your cat? Smart.
sempisaviour 17
Indeed very smart. Rumor has it Albert Einstein did it too.
badluckalex 23
I'm assuming op means give the car a bath, but who knows
thesmeagol 22
I don't know if my cats just weird, but he hops in the bath/shower with us sometimes.
SirMichael 13
@46 Yes you're cat is a bit weird, most cats hate getting wet.
Amama_fml 30
******* love getting wet... Sorry, I just had to.
CatchMe25 16
You're not alone! My cat has always loved sitting on the edge of the tub till I'm done. She'll play with the water and sit outside the door if I don't let her in. But she also plays fetch so I think it's a given that she's just weird haha.
A07 48
You really wanted that pussy, didn't you?
mete_orito 34
He wanted the wrong pussy.
TXFernwoods 26
please no ***********
lekimdraw 3
if you want to encourage ********** go to 4chan.
lnheritance 19
It's probably best to tell her the truth, regardless of the embarrassment. Hopefully she believes you. Sorry to hear it OP.
ninety 25
She'll probably think he's making a lame excuse at this point.
ThorneCrossed 9
How did you come to the conclusion that you needed to shower with your cat
shelle112 10
His girlfriend wasn't home, and he needed some tail.
jake_braves 25
He also needed to get the pussy wet.
hourlybookworm 7
Someone call the RSPCA
Rizzen 27
dude you need to tell her, only way not to get your ass in trouble.
Parise_fml 5
you wanna throw those two years away because you don't want to have an awkward conversation?
ninety 25
You would think it would be an awkward conversation either way, cause now she thinks he cheated haha
Emzinatorbot 26
YDI for not wanting yo tell her it was a cat. what did she even mean to you if you didn't want to be honest?!
20minutesto9 23
You could have just told her the cat jumped on your back while you were sleeping or something. But that relationship must not have meant much to you if you're just gonna let it go without trying to explain yourself.