Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML
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Top comments
quickit 24
YDI. Didn't those two years mean anything to you? I would rather have an awkward conversation than lose the girl I love.
Klima_fml 29
.. You tried to shower with your cat? Smart.
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Comments (117)
schhichick 14
oh why??
psyjoniz 12
bs. shower with cat end up with scratches on your /back/?? nope. is the lie so important you are trying to validate it with an fml?
kerstileann 26
Whyyyyyyyyyyyy spell why like thaaaaaat?
KayyKaylyn 14
Then you must not have wanted her to stay.
lwm 4
Really? You have enough bravery to face almost certain death in the bathtub, but you can't tell your gf what happened? You should be wearing your scars with pride, as warrior marks showing your passage into adulthood. Next time, wear chain mail.
PresidentNorth 16
A lot of people in high school text like that. Just saying. So excuse her age?
foxwasalamb 24
whoa there president. you're only 19.
worldclassrager 41
What was hear reasoning? It's easier to give cats baths...either way it's probably not going to go well
cappellaaa 23
you're an idiot.
kstephens2326 15
Get over yourself and talk to your girlfriend. The worst she can do is laugh. Instead she thinks you are a lying cheating jerk. Lets be smart here bro.