Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML
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Top comments
quickit 24
YDI. Didn't those two years mean anything to you? I would rather have an awkward conversation than lose the girl I love.
Klima_fml 29
.. You tried to shower with your cat? Smart.
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Comments (117)
DeathBunny8 9
Cat claw marks look nothing like peoples. The width of the scratches would be, obviously, as small as a cats paw. Even with its toes spread still wouldn't be as large as a human hand.
rock_stud 9
It's not worth explaining yourself... You would look like a cheater and a liar.
hrhlovesrar 8
Ya right! who is going to willingly try to shower with their cat?! you did not try to shower with your car YDI
HeWillBeLoved105 22
If yins were dating for two years you wouldn't have been too scared to say 'I showered with the cat' to save your relationship.
kerstileann 26
im only 4 years older than her and i dont type like that. i dont see why age is an excuse.
LondonderryAir 9
#76 your mind hasn't changed in the last 4 years? You should probably seek medical advice
LondonderryAir 9
This FML should read "today, my girlfriend dumped me because I'm a liar"
Kittyphysics 21
this is something my boyfriend would do. sometimes he can be so... special. tell her the truth op! shes feeling pretty betrayed and hurt no doubt. dont leave her like that. who knows. she might take your goofy ass back. good luck!
kerstileann 26
so i should seek medical advice because ive not typed like an idiot in the past 4 years? right. idiot.
CaroAurelia 12
Why the **** would you put a cat in a shower? You have a death wish, son?