Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML
Today, my husband "challenged" my daughter: if she could eat a whole raw onion, she could stay up as late as she wanted. I now have an onion with a whole bunch of little bites taken out, a pile of stinking onion puke, a crying daughter, and a husband laughing like a hyena. FML
Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML
Today, I asked my sister why she doesn’t visit our dad in hospital anymore. He’s been in a coma for months, but what she said was just nasty. Apparently, if she wanted to talk to a vegetable, she’d yell into the fridge once a week, at least it would save her the long bus ride. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
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Top comments
secretsymbiote21 5
onions make them cry. your dad is a smart man.
chelseaaababyyy 17
Well, if you were a spirit, would you like to haunt a smelly room? I think not.
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Comments (80)
EmoRockChic 11
That's just sad.....
InfinityMinus1 5
You're supposed to eat it! Onions are high in vitamin c!
cpuanduni2005 0
I always thought it was garlic?
DasHaas 9
Onions in your room (assuming they're peeled) are actually great against stuffed noses. Don't know about their anti-spirit powers but it's definately a good thing to have onions in your room to keep the airways open.
uhnevermind 24
If I have my facts straight, an old Chinese tradition is to sleep with an onion to keep away oni, a kind of demon. And considering OP's username is "duhasiangirl", her father is probably just following a familiar superstition.
munchly 17
Onions are supposed to have the ability to 'soak up' germs to prevent sickness... The spirit thing I never heard of
Delta2Almanac 7
Didn't you ever watch veggie takes as a kid? Of COURSE they'll protect you.
little_one 20
The Romans believed that the pungent smell of the onion could ward off evil spirits. I guess if you are worried about spirits that's the way to go. Most women keep chocolate or wine by their bed... Not sure what spirits they are trying to get rid of.
StanSmith2013 26
Onions make you cry, so why won't it make ghosts cry?
LunaTics_fml 3
Garlic and weed is supposed to keep the ghosts away...