Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML
Today, my husband "challenged" my daughter: if she could eat a whole raw onion, she could stay up as late as she wanted. I now have an onion with a whole bunch of little bites taken out, a pile of stinking onion puke, a crying daughter, and a husband laughing like a hyena. FML
Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML
Today, I asked my sister why she doesn’t visit our dad in hospital anymore. He’s been in a coma for months, but what she said was just nasty. Apparently, if she wanted to talk to a vegetable, she’d yell into the fridge once a week, at least it would save her the long bus ride. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
secretsymbiote21 5
onions make them cry. your dad is a smart man.
chelseaaababyyy 17
Well, if you were a spirit, would you like to haunt a smelly room? I think not.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (80)
PoshLife_Cross 5
Actually, your dad nailed it. Onions trap the spirits inside of them, and each layer of the onion is a different layer of Hell.Why do you think we cry when we cut them? We're feeling the pain of the tormented souls, eternally damned.
qtbabe127 22
Onions really do keep people from getting sick. They absorb the germs from the air and trap them like a sponge.
SwtCherryPie 26
I wish I could find where I read it because this is true. It absorbs the germs to keep you from getting certain illnesses (like the flu) and if you put one beside your bed while you sleep if you are sick (I believe pneumonia was the example given for this) it will be black in the morning from all the shit it absorbs that you breathe out.
deltoramastr 12
Actually of you are sick and you cut and onion in half and put it in a bowl in the room it'll absorb most of the germs and such and you'll get better faster. They used to do that way way way back that was high tech :p.
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
I would love to see a double blind controlled study of this.
CarouselHeart 11
At least he cares?
Yunhee_fml 16
You should be thankful that he actually cares, not a fml at all.
noisebox 1
He's never been the same since the brain injury, so sad, get some water and motzeralla cheese and make onion soup...
spottyblanket 8
That is so cute!
PierceTheEman 4
My mom is the exact same way... XD
moorenita 3
Heard that onion helps to keep us away from the flu
doglover100 29
It won't work for spirits so much.