Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML
Today, my husband "challenged" my daughter: if she could eat a whole raw onion, she could stay up as late as she wanted. I now have an onion with a whole bunch of little bites taken out, a pile of stinking onion puke, a crying daughter, and a husband laughing like a hyena. FML
Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML
Today, I asked my sister why she doesn’t visit our dad in hospital anymore. He’s been in a coma for months, but what she said was just nasty. Apparently, if she wanted to talk to a vegetable, she’d yell into the fridge once a week, at least it would save her the long bus ride. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
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Top comments
secretsymbiote21 5
onions make them cry. your dad is a smart man.
chelseaaababyyy 17
Well, if you were a spirit, would you like to haunt a smelly room? I think not.
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Comments (80)
mosquito19 14
it will if you smell like onions
Racky_fml 14
Should've used broccoli
winkydog4056 16
It just occurred to me.....Larry Boy will save you! Duh!
igivunightmars 3
U prob. Dont bad B. O. Which seems to keep every thing away. The good and the bad.
igivunightmars 3
*u probably dont got bad body oder. Which seems to keep everything away. The good and the bad. So ur dad must know a thing or two bout STANK!!!
kwyk 23
Your dad thinks vegetables will stop you getting sick? He's got half the concept right. Not sure about the spirits on the other hand...
fallenangel72 7
Aw that's sweet
imperialtl 12
Isn't this some Asian/chinese custom?
DoubleBlumpkin 4
Despite the down votes I recieved if anyone would do their own research and not believe the chain letter email they recieved you would see that the onion nonsense is false. They don't capture bacteria or viruses, viruses require an external source to even transfer, it won't just soak into an onion via the air. Trust me I have a PhD in onions.
cougar41 8
Actually onions were used in the times of Black Plague to absorbs the virus n protect u onions absorbe bacterial that are air born n stop u getting sick. Put an onion with the top cut of on a cup or small bowl and check it in. Few days. It will be rotten with virus. ( do it when ur sick ) you will get better faster