Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML
Today, my husband "challenged" my daughter: if she could eat a whole raw onion, she could stay up as late as she wanted. I now have an onion with a whole bunch of little bites taken out, a pile of stinking onion puke, a crying daughter, and a husband laughing like a hyena. FML
Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML
Today, I asked my sister why she doesn’t visit our dad in hospital anymore. He’s been in a coma for months, but what she said was just nasty. Apparently, if she wanted to talk to a vegetable, she’d yell into the fridge once a week, at least it would save her the long bus ride. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
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Top comments
secretsymbiote21 5
onions make them cry. your dad is a smart man.
chelseaaababyyy 17
Well, if you were a spirit, would you like to haunt a smelly room? I think not.
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Comments (80)
kassafrass 4
My ex's grandma did the same thing one time when he had a cold.
pradip 26
I'm afraid, Is it late grandma or ex grandma
alycion 39
A home remedy for fevers is supposedly to slice an onion in half and sleep with the sliced side on the bottom of your feet in socks. Heard a lot of people claim it works. Glad I usually keep Motrin in the house though. Don't think I'd get the courage to face the smell and try it.
brobie 0
If you cut an onion in half and keep it by your bed when you're sick it'll absorb all the germs and bacteria and you'll start feeling better. Google it. It's interesting. As for spirits. Idk about that. Lol
DoubleBlumpkin 4
All of that onion hullaballo about it turning black when out in a room with a sick person was actually all false. A made up story.
anonymousAMH 5
Definitely not false. The reason the onion changes color is due to the bacteria caught within it. It's a proof positive home remedy.
kaigrayson 2
It's actually a proven study that onions absorb viruses from the air. The haunted thing, not so sure of.
munchly 17
I said the same thing :)
PsychoBitch666 8
Sounds like something my mum could have done. Every time I'm ill, feel down or tired, she wants to give me a healing. Try put onions under his pillow.
AngelicTide 11
Actually it should be garlic (according to mythology). Not sure what onions are suppose to protect against. Your dad is weird if he actually believes that.
CuriousAlien 7
Lol. Then when you wake up in the middle of the morning, just pass him and make a fake cough and sneeze. Then turn around a scream "leave me alone" then run away from him really fast like you are being chased by something. See what his reaction would be!
CuriousAlien 7
Yeah I know. I made a few mistakes.
xrudeboyrock 29
Sounds like he has some mixed notions about what it's actually supposed to guard against, but I think it's sweet gesture if he truly believes it. As long as it doesn't have too strong of an odor, just keep it so he can sleep better.
perdix 31
He ought to add some garlic to keep away the vampires. With that blend, not only will he keep spirits and vampires from invading your bedroom, but also . . . boys. There's the protection from disease, including pregancy and slutty reputation.