Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML
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Top comments
ElainaCutsYou 0
Better follow the directions
flockz 20
considerate sex? WTF are you talking about?!?! bf- "may i please stick my willy in you now?" gf-"yes but remember to keep all your clothing on and go slowly so i you don't hurt me." bf- "ok but can i slap your gluteus maximus as well?" gf- " no tht would be inconsiderate for me and my skin. oh and by the way, if you cum before i do, i'm going to dump you for being so inconsiderate." no do you realizehow stupi your comment was?
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Comments (185)
spicywatermelon 0
maybe you should start demanding things of your own before you have sex.
skatergirl33 0
thats hot;)
Maria11307 2
Lol that's awesome!
StuckInReality89 2
You could've avoided all that if you'd just acted really bad at giving ******** the first time he wanted one :) Make him terrified to let you anywhere near his nether regions with your teeth ;D
badluckattack238 0
I give my bf a bj before sex to get him excited, then swallow his cum when he finishes. It's not demeaning, it's just wanting to please your man.
rogerover 19
You madam are a heroine of the bedroom !
betabyte 1
At least he didn't make his dick glow in the dark
Btreasure 8
I personally actually think that's cool. The time and effort and thought. What you should do is hit him back with glow directions of your own
rhpsfan9 10
Least give him points for creativity
Acaprice14 9
If you're not using a condom or lube, you need some lubrication! He wants your spit
rogerover 19
If he goes down on her there will be PLENTY of lubrication. Or bette yet 69 Works both ways!
bubo_fml 11
Here's what cha do...Sneak into the bedroom before he arrives & paint a small circle around an electrical socket...When he comes home, seductively lead him up to the bed room & turn out the lights. When the moment of truth arrives, say something tantalizingly sweet & delicate, like, "Here's your target, Soldier, hit the bull's eye!" or "plug me in, Mr. Randy Handyman!" Kick back & watch him get a charge outa life!!