Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML
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Top comments
ElainaCutsYou 0
Better follow the directions
flockz 20
considerate sex? WTF are you talking about?!?! bf- "may i please stick my willy in you now?" gf-"yes but remember to keep all your clothing on and go slowly so i you don't hurt me." bf- "ok but can i slap your gluteus maximus as well?" gf- " no tht would be inconsiderate for me and my skin. oh and by the way, if you cum before i do, i'm going to dump you for being so inconsiderate." no do you realizehow stupi your comment was?
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Comments (185)
dallas_louise 0
Follow the glow-in-the-dark road.
creedaddict 9
I better hide this FML from my boyfriend he'll do the same lol
laurencheese 7
jerk thing to do, but very creative.
copy125 0
Ha your just jealous you can't give him a blow j
Jimboom 12
Tell him that you demand oral first from him first. And if he doesn't get the engine started then nobody's going no-where. :-P
Vashek 2
That's a perfect idea :)
rekabjbaker 1
Nice job guy. I like it.
echoesdust 0
Boys will be boys(:
RainbowHeadache 2
#1: I know right? If I saw that after I flipped off the light I would feel like he earned a blowie. That's friggin hilarious. I'd have found it even funnier if he painted his junk & had a glowing boner though. One of those "Wtf?... Awww you little scamp, you!" type of moments.
chosha_fml 27
And yet you are still with him.
ColorguardChik 1
Well at least he's trying to change things up for you lol
jobsman99 0
well blow jobs are wonderful. my gal hives me at least one a day. I also orally please her at least once a day. bj before sex? I thought it was part of the sex.