Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked the iguana to paint his cousin, the chameleon. He nailed it. Smartass. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML
Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, my cat ate the dog's food and is now very sick. For the third time. The first time he did it, I was concerned; second time, I was confused. Now I realize he's just an idiot. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
WCARlover 35
You essentially have a lizard cat
Geckosrock99 33
Hey, OP here. So what happed was I was sitting on my bed watching anime when my iguana climbed up and sat next to me. I thought nothing of it as he likes watching cartoons. I was totally into the show (Twin Star Exorcists) and was pretty surprised when I felt the bite. He did very little damage, just two teeth sized little holes. After washing up, I gave him a mix of collard greens and a peach with his reptile calcuim on top and he ate everything. Guess he thought my finger was a peach, because he nibbled it. Same hand, only a little damage. He's a good boy when he's not trying to eat my hand/fingers. I think he got that habit when I was hand feeding him to help fix his behavior problems. He's easier to read now that he trusts me, but he associates fingers with food a little too much, even if his food is in a bowl. I used asshole in an endearing way, since he will knock things off my dresser, escape the safety of my room, and make messes where he isn't supposed to, on top of trying to eat my hand/fingers. I love him anyway, mischief and all.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (44)
WCARlover 35
You essentially have a lizard cat
Geckosrock99 33
I do call him a scaley cat often.
slingerslasher 24
If you switch the words "iguana" and "asshole" in this FML, you get great results. Just saying.
IcedTaco 12
#18, I kind of wish the FML actually said that. Although OP would've needed to explain quite a bit if it did.
Wolfo06 16
Men that just hands down rude FYL OP
bradleybaldwin 9
Maybe it's trying to be friendly or show its gratitude, who knows?
Geckosrock99 33
At first I had assumed he was trying to get my attention. Since I was watching the screen a bit more than watching him.
SomeshCD 14
Bite that asshole!
Geckosrock99 33
Hey, OP here. So what happed was I was sitting on my bed watching anime when my iguana climbed up and sat next to me. I thought nothing of it as he likes watching cartoons. I was totally into the show (Twin Star Exorcists) and was pretty surprised when I felt the bite. He did very little damage, just two teeth sized little holes. After washing up, I gave him a mix of collard greens and a peach with his reptile calcuim on top and he ate everything. Guess he thought my finger was a peach, because he nibbled it. Same hand, only a little damage. He's a good boy when he's not trying to eat my hand/fingers. I think he got that habit when I was hand feeding him to help fix his behavior problems. He's easier to read now that he trusts me, but he associates fingers with food a little too much, even if his food is in a bowl. I used asshole in an endearing way, since he will knock things off my dresser, escape the safety of my room, and make messes where he isn't supposed to, on top of trying to eat my hand/fingers. I love him anyway, mischief and all.
Bearsmomma 30
I had an iguana that loved resting on anyone's shoulders. He really enjoyed it because he LOVED nibbling earlobes.
allie2590 31
YEAH Twinstar Exorcists! Good show.
Geckosrock99 33
#16 Mine will climb on my back and just sit there. If he gets hungry during a piggyback ride, he'll start eating my hair. Even now as I type this, he's trying to steal my Pringles.
HeartYou101 31
Can you post a picture of your iguana on your profile? :D
Geckosrock99 33
#35 All done. I even added a picture of the Cockatiel I mentioned in my About Me.
GAJones4221 10
I know it probably doesn't compare very well op but sometimes animals just don't understand. my mouse used to chew on my finger when I would give him a cheerio, he's absolutely adorable and I got mad, he doesn't understand though, mice are ocd about cleaning themselves, I'm not saying that to be mean, they literally are, I figured out he was doing it cause he can see the tiny layers of dead skin that our fingers get ( yes there's dead skin there people ) mice will only groom other people they consider to be part of their pack, I'm sure your lizard wasn't trying to be mean, he probably misunderstood.
drayloon 50
I guess he never learned to not bite the hand that feeds him
CourtneyPaigee16 13
Iguanas are not supposed to be house pets anyways, since they're better off in their natural habitats due to the lack of care from many owners. (Not talking about op) Maybe your hand looked super tasty to him, lmao!
CourtneyPaigee16 13
Well okay I was just putting what I wanted to out there, you don't have to agree
SmDestroyer 8
Sounds like you need to handle him more so he gets comfortable with it. Unless he's super old already, in which case it's hard to teach old reptiles new tricks.
sylvienoir 18
if you read the OPs comment the way he talks about the iguana makes me think he's pretty tame. i dont know of any wild animals that like to sit and watch cartoons.
wowthisislame 4
Seems like your pet is a handful.?
an_awkward_day 11
Iguanas are notorious for being assholes.