Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, is my five year anniversary. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me something shiny this year. I thought he was gonna propose. He got me a set of sparkle glue. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
What a moron! The alimentary canal is not connected to the reproductive system. If he wants his **** to sparkle, he has to inject glitter directly into his testicles...like I do.
BorderCount 5
Dump him. You're too good for him. There's no coming back from something that stupid.
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
What a moron! The alimentary canal is not connected to the reproductive system. If he wants his **** to sparkle, he has to inject glitter directly into his testicles...like I do.
BorderCount 5
Dump him. You're too good for him. There's no coming back from something that stupid.
WaywardSaint 4
Just curious, did he tell you or did you see glitter on him? If the latter I'd ask what the stripper's name was.
E2dav 5
Oh wow....what a dummy. How does he get through life??
kujiens101 24
The man is a visionary
fjvitt 14
Like that joke—why are jelly beans better than men??? They come in different colors...
jfigley 5
I am sorry, but that's f*cking hilarious!!! He's an idiot, but that's pretty funny mate....