Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML
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Top comments
ElainaCutsYou 0
Better follow the directions
flockz 20
considerate sex? WTF are you talking about?!?! bf- "may i please stick my willy in you now?" gf-"yes but remember to keep all your clothing on and go slowly so i you don't hurt me." bf- "ok but can i slap your gluteus maximus as well?" gf- " no tht would be inconsiderate for me and my skin. oh and by the way, if you cum before i do, i'm going to dump you for being so inconsiderate." no do you realizehow stupi your comment was?
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Comments (185)
OrgasmicBunnies 9
OP, Just be grateful that the arrow is on his front and not his back pointing down.
mic203 2
got the directions hun? Get busy!
awagh666 14
You're goin down babe
coltsrock37 15
Your boy has a flair for the unexpected. His next act will involve glow sticks, bright colored duct tape, and a very large chimpanzee.
hailphire130 0
Is the chimpanzee filming?
pandm101 0
I never demand anything from my gf, Usually turns out better that way.
HungerGames95 13
wise choice
bananabuttercup 8
It's a partners job to be good and govong when it comes to sex. Does he follow any of your requests?
Lights_Out_fml 6
He's genius...
sherrbear 3
hahaha. that's exactly something my fiance would do :P
jazzybaby179 22
Did he also eat a can of fruit to make his sperm taste better:)??
bullrider92 19
My gf has me eat pineapples.
Yung23 0
Sounds more like a glow job hahaha