Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
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Top comments
cahlalsteel 1
hold your breath
FriskyTaco 0
At least he didn't shit the bed...
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Comments (98)
cahlalsteel 1
hold your breath
CryMoreFMLs 15
Meth is one hell of a deug OP.
genesisnirvana 11
And that OP is when you ditch.
Keyman1212 14
Love the gas Meg, LOVE THE GAS!!
Majstr 23
You should probably cut your arm than. To get free.
FarSide 23
Just suck it up, OP. If he is so disgusting, and you screwed him anyway, I doubt smelling his fart is going to make YOU more disgusting.
hailphire130 0
"You're a smart fella, dad." "And you're a fart smeller, meg."
tona01 16
Nothing like a loud smelly fart to make you feel better
Iamnotmyself 17
Any normal person would get horny after hearing this. No? Just me? I'll just crawl back to my corner then...
zachherbert 10
12- I screw, I nut, I bolt.
Keyman1212 14
56- I have a pretty big project coming up that I need help with. I'm trying to build an "observation box" that doubles as a tree house, so I can spy on the young boys from, and when they get curious, we can play games in, like see who can take the most Tylenol PM. You do that kind of screwing, nutting, and bolting right?
HomeAl0ne 20
Yeah, it probably smells like Satan's ass gas.
Stonedmanalex 0
wow 9 is right tucson is the meth capital of arizona
CareFace 16
Dirtyyyy.
Hayman68 4
"7 am waking up in the morning..."
ssbtoday 3
"Gotta feel fresh, gotta go down stairs."
megerz1113 0
No, kinky lol jk
imustbeinsane 2
9 months later......
FriskyTaco 0
At least he didn't shit the bed...
AshBop 5
Or maybe he did and that's why she swore she'd never be intimate with him again.... I wouldn't want to share a bed with a guy who couldn't control his bowels either.
burninnapalm 5
16 - idk about you, but it is kinda impossible to control your farts while your asleep... You know the whole not being conscious thing kinda puts a hamper on that
AshBop 5
26- I dunno about you, but I'm pretty sure normal people can control whether or not they take a dump in the bed...
OrgasmicBunnies 9
A man will still love you more for dealing with the smell.
Ldesu 0
YDI. You now have to experience the walk of shame smelling like poop.
dukefan302 4
I bet it turned you on
Ninja_assassinXD 8
I swear he better be hot AF or else you're an idiot.
bullrider92 19
She must be an idiot.Even if he is hot as **** there is a reason she swore she wouldn't screw him again.
a_nutritionist 10
i know right, never pass up sex with a hot guy! thats like the only type of sex worth like having! right on sister!!!111one
Keyman1212 14
**** emotionally related sex, have sex with attractive people, just because their genetics are better than others!
FunnyGuy5051 7
yea **** condoms, who doesn't want stds?
AmberCanFlyy 4
Shouldn't have had that fourth beer.
Majstr 23
Alcohol is a bitch!
Blueglasscup 18
If you swore to never get intimate with him again I would have chosen to either make him leave (if you're at your house) or leave (if you're at his house).
forkphoe 0
Lololol
Fapootles 0
yuckies