Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
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Top comments
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
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Comments (268)
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
killtin 2
You can't ruin bacon with sex**
all4pooh 4
Bacon makes everything better
ant1078 7
Nope, bacon gives me an ****** too!
lamort_fml 4
I do not see the problem here.
xxjoshuaxx21 4
11 stole my comment
PinkElephants713 6
15- are you the hot bacon dream ****** guy?!?! :D Please say yes, I will love you forever!!! Lol
unknown_user5566 27
I don't think bacon can ruin anything, period.
Oreohugzpenny 4
Bacon makes everything sexier!
i_wuz_nver_here 31
21 yesssss the only problem is now I really want bacon
ant1078 7
#50, sadly I am not :( , but this FML convinced me to make a bacon sandwich for tmr so it's all good!
doctorhook86 25
A vote for bacon/sex is a vote for freedom!
nateborg13 9
Eating bacon >>> sex
PunsY0 5
Ops boyfriend is a genius.
astoryofroses 9
Makes sense. cover yourself in Bacon and ask your boyfriend to slowly chomp it ;)
brill33 7
Taking eating out your girlfriend to a whole new level
JKr3slEMO 5
how is that an FML? I mean you did say you wanna 'spice up your sex life' and he gave you the solution.
aliciamartinez15 11
Personally I LOVE bacon. Although during sex?
thatssomeBS 9
Well if OP is done with him, I'd give a gay relationship a chance if it involved bacon. I guess it's legal in my state.
mfjkr 10
Got a boring sex life? Rub some bacon on it.
justhadtosaytht 0
196- makes it more oily too! xD
DaedPool 6
That's my new life quote
williemac987 5
Wow that's weird. At least bacon is delicious!
pokefan813 16
You find it weird? I see nothing wrong with this fml... Bacon is the shit.
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
So he'd rather eat bacon than you? Can't blame him
ScaughtieHolden 11
You've obviously never had ******.
Nevereverland 8
You've obviously never had bacon.
MagicGiraffe 12
This would only be bad if he meant *shudders* Canadian bacon...
hinchkongfang 0
Some vaginas are gross and smelly.... Rarely can the same be said about bacon
MerrikBarbarian 9
175- try leave bacon out of the fridge for a day or two, then tell me it doesn't smell. ;)
luvdolphin 9
I love Canadian bacon!
siickman 7
Thats the thing, bacon rarely makes it past a day or two because of how ******* good it is. Bacon rules... End of discussion :)
ScaughtieHolden 11
I am a dog. I've only had Beggin' Strips. FML :[
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
red225 14
One of the best suggestions there is, is ******* with bacon
22cute 17
Or Tabasco sauce, spicy!!
thesubconscious 9
Putting the two greatest things together can do unspeakable things
botanistjessica 24
Now I'm waiting for you all to make a bacon porno.
Rectumended 3
Bacons strips&bacon strips&bacon strips
jmanh 6
BACON
nco1414 7
Hell, I'd my Boyfriend wrapped his dick with bacon maybe id suck it more often.
borkchop1992 15
Epic meal time with ******* incorporated in the meals
dude1122332 9
I got the Jack!
brynom 8
... Smh...
TrueTriage 16
Ultimate bacon weave: Bacon Bra
TriflingAllDay 6
Crusty grease on the body. Yum.
seriouslythat 6
They made bacon lube soo they can incorporate bacon
DeesseGardon 1
Bacon... Yumm
Nevereverland 8
Roses are red Violets are blue.. Poems are hard Bacon.
DKjazz 20
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm not really a poet, NOW GET IN THE VAN!
Udderboy 4
So does this mean your boyfriend is a pig?
CVeNgineer 0
I'm pretty sure it means he likes bacon, saying that he was a pig would suggest he also likes cannibalism
ohmandapants 17
It means that her boyfriend is a genius. Keep him around OP. Bacon is delicious.
mollysticks 10
27: and is frowned upon by most societies.
OhDearBetrayal 25
As the saying goes; you are what you eat.
sxyyycheerrr444 6
I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people who like bacon that are not "pigs"
ant1078 7
I don't blame him, bacon tastes so GOD DAMN GOOD
ant1078 7
See that? Bacon got me so excited, I jizzed
ASD_K 11
But I'm slightly allergic to bacon. Whenever I eat bacon, I get itching welts LITERALLY head to toe.
brynom 8
People who don't eat bacon, for whatever reason, can't be trusted.
Drigr 9
Bacon is such a mouthgasm I don't even get why you would think of it as an FML
TheGreatAlexande 12
Bacon makes everything better.
vbmg152 19
We posted the same thing at the same time! Great minds think alike! Lol!!
vbmg152 19
Bacon makes everything better, doesn't it? Lol!! Just how old is this boyfriend?
rahrah765765 11
HOW DID THAT! WHAT ON EARTH? HOW IS THERE A GHOST thing IN YOUR PICTURE?