Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML
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Top comments
ElainaCutsYou 0
Better follow the directions
flockz 20
considerate sex? WTF are you talking about?!?! bf- "may i please stick my willy in you now?" gf-"yes but remember to keep all your clothing on and go slowly so i you don't hurt me." bf- "ok but can i slap your gluteus maximus as well?" gf- " no tht would be inconsiderate for me and my skin. oh and by the way, if you cum before i do, i'm going to dump you for being so inconsiderate." no do you realizehow stupi your comment was?
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Comments (185)
fangbanger_kitty 10
my boyfriend tries to get me to blow him too..just never with glow in the dark paint..lol
kilageDB 0
Adda boy!
Patty22 0
Thats awesome
lolvickylol 2
brilliant lol ask for the paint and do the same thing
copy125 0
HEY! HEY! HEY! do not criticize this man, he knows how to get shit done. End of discussion!
ass_ninjah7463 0
If only all boyfriends were that creative.. at least it would make the ******** seem like less of a chore. But seriously why every time? He's so demanding.
receivingendofit 3
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and he only gets blow jobs when he buys me things 'cause apperantly it's worth the 300 dollar necklace. You shouldn't let your man boss you around, put a leash on him.
HomeAl0ne 20
I pity the fool.
vvmativv 8
Isn't that abit like a prostitute? sexual acts for money or items? lol. As for putting a leash on, relationships should be equal, no one party should be in control.
7MuM7 0
Hahahaha that's cool. Where'd he get the paint from.!?
SummerTime69 5
Winning! I think that's cute,wish I had a bf who would do that for me lol
justanotherhuman 21
Wait wait, ahhh... hold on. This *demanding* ******** part... we can do that?